Ask Zach

Hugo Chavez es homo

2006-09-25T07:35:00.000-05:00

What do I think of that total lunatics speech? It was pyscho babble. But in all honesty, who cares? Obviously the congregation of that Church in Harlem loved him, but there's a good reason for that. I won't go into those reasons here because they should be obvious and I don't want to sound like an extreme bigot. Chavez's speech is just more proof that we need to get out of the UN and make them leave the country. Take your freak show somewhere else. The obvious answer is France but maybe they should set up shop in Antarctica. There are plenty of "Things" to keep them occupied down there.

All this dude's speech did was excite a bunch of liberals who wanted to give this speech themselves. Ultimately this is a case of sticks and stones.

That's my two cents.

The Lizard Man vs. The Gravel Voiced Man

2006-09-14T20:50:00.000-05:00

I know that Bob Dylan is a very revered musician and is pretty much a legend, but I hate him. There is no way around it, I loathe him. First off I can't understand what he's saying. Second, he kind of reminds me of Vincent Price. I must now apologize to Vincent Price for saying/thinking that, but I can't help the truth. Despite all of Dylan's flaws he has succeeded somehow.

Apparently it has now become popular to like Dylan. Every early to mid-twenties person seems to like him. Do they like him because he's a great musician? Do they like his lyrics? Maybe a few of them do, but most of them just like him because it's popular to do so. Whatever the case I will not join those masses.

Perhaps his lyrics were meaningful 35 or 40 years ago but not so much now. He spoke to an older generation and I really don't care about his revolution.

Now, if I want to listen to a musician with a less than pretty voice I'll listen to Tom Waits. Tom Waits is quite possibly the most underrated folksy musician ever. I know that most of his albums have gotten decent reviews, but he is definitely overlooked by the public. His lyrics are not of the same nature as Dylan's. Tom Waits sings about far more interesting characters than Dylan does. His characters all seem kind of shady with that whole "street urchin" thing going for them. However you grow to like these characters because they are so unique and he seems to have an infinite supply of unique characters. Waits seems to sing differently on every single song. He can sound like Satan or he can sound very delicate or even romantic.

Tom Waits' lyrics give me the impression that he knows what these characters are like from personal experience. He can't possibly know some of the stuff he sings about without experiencing it first. While it may be a bit troubling to think that he has done some of things his characters have done, it also adds a certain level of authenticity.

I'm not saying that Dylan lacks authenticity, but I just don't like him. Never have never will.

So perhaps my grudge is not against Dylan, but those who like him because it's popular. I'm not into liking things just because everybody else does. My name is not Patrick Bateman and I'm not looking to fit in. All I look for is music and musicians that stimulate my mind in new and intriguing ways.

It seems like I discover one musician or band each year to add to my select few favorites. Maybe it's bad that I'm too picky, but that's just me. I may have goofy standards compared to most, but they work for me.

Sucked into the black hole of stupidity

2006-09-14T11:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I haven't posted in a very long time. I'm sorry about that, but I just haven't had anything post worthy. Maybe I have, but I just haven't felt like posting. Hopefully this will be the rebirth of my posting. Blogging mark II.

So in history class today the professor asked us to tell him what we want out of the class. He broke us into eight groups and we discussed. Actually, I said a few words and that was it. Consensus says that our professor should do all of the following:

1. Give power-point presentations
2. Give study guides
3. Give outlines before each class
4. Give a summary of what we just discussed before class adjourns
5. Stay on topic more (he does tend to ramble some, but he's old so it's alright)
6. Give us more specific dates for tests, not just "Week 2" or "Week 4"
7. Tie in the day's lesson to modern society
8. Cut out all of the unnecessary chatter going on
9. Do everything for us so that we don't learn anything and don't have to do any work

What the hell is going on here? Does this seem stupid to anybody else? He doesn't have to do anything. It is totally up to the professor how he wants to teach HIS class. Yet my classmates found it appropriate to list off all this crap. What is wrong with them? What ever happened to reading the book and making your own study guide? We're tested on each chapter so I would assume all the answers would be hidden within each chapter.

This girl in my group had the nerve to a)complain about how much we have to read and b)say that there are too many distractions around the class-room (i.e. people talking about things other than history). After she made her statement about people chattering about pointless things, she proceeded to do so herself while the professor was talking. I'm pretty sure there's a word for that sort of thing.

Look, I loathe people who carry on conversations during class. It's both rude and distracting. What's even worse is when they complain when they're told to shut up. I don't understand it.

Moving back to the rest of that list. Why do we need power-point? All he'll do is read directly from it and it will be boring. I would rather take notes while he talks. The dude is pretty interesting and a power-point would ruin that.

What's my complaint here? I'm complaining about people complaining about having to do school work. It's called "school WORK" for a reason. Goodness gracious. I'm in a class full of morons. Additionally, I'm also in a class with a Polish guy that sounds like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Well I'm done. I'm going to go play NHL 07 and chill before I go to my wonderful job!

What's my favorite Samuel L. Jackson film?

2006-07-28T20:21:00.000-05:00

While this technically isn't a Samuel L. Jackson film, it's by far the best film he's ever been in. That film is...Goodfellas! If anyone says that Pulp Fiction is better than Goodfellas, they need to be kicked in the face by a T-Rex. Though I will say that Jurassic Park is definitely second on this list. However, Jurassic Park cannot touch Goodfellas by any means. It's the greatest movie ever made about life in the mob. You can have The Godfather I & II because Goodfellas destroys both of them. The only film about organized crime that comes close is Once Upon a Time in America. Okay, I'll say that movie ties Goodfellas for best mob film. I can't deny Once Upon a Time in America because I worship Sergio Leone seeing as how he's the best director ever.

Back to Goodfellas. Samuel L. definitely has a minor role in Goodfellas but it is a good one. He plays the loveable truck driver that everyone likes. Unfortunately for him he messes up an "assignment" and gets shot in his tidy whities by Joe Pesci. That is a very memorable scene from that film, along with several other scenes.

I really don't like any films that Samuel L. has starred in so that's why I say Goodfellas. It may be a cop out answer, but that's just tough.

What's better crap quality DVDs released along with films or good quality 6 months later?

2006-07-28T20:11:00.000-05:00

There is no reason that we shouldn't be able to wait for a film to come out on DVD 6 months after the theatrical release. That would take away from the experience of going to the theater. You see the movie at the theater, you enjoy it, you are excited by it, and you soon forget the excitement. We need to have a period of "cool down time" in order to fully appreciate the film when it comes out on DVD. The DVD releasing at the same time as the feature film would be cool in some respects, but it would be a bummer in the long run. So I'll stick with 6 months after the film comes out. It's definitely worth the wait.

What's my favorite film that's a directorial debut?

2006-07-28T19:31:00.000-05:00

It boils down to two contestants: Eraserhead and 12 Angry Men.

I've discussed both movies in previous posts so I won't describe them again. I guess it's really a question of which movie is more impressive as a feature film debut. While I know that 12 Angry Men is probably a better film, I'm going to go with Eraserhead. When David Lynch made Eraserhead he was a very young film student with very little money. He made Eraserhead on a shoe string budget. Whenvever somebody says that now it means like one million dollars. I think Eraserhead was made with like $4000 or something crazy like that.

When Sidney Lumet made 12 Angry Men he had already done several TV movies. Aside from that, he had Henry Fonda along with 11 more awesome actors. The cast of 12 Angry Men is still one of the most impressive casts ever assembled. The cast of Eraserhead is a collection of David Lynch's friends. None of them are household names and a few of them have died.

With all that in mind I'd have to say that Eraserhead is my favorite feature film directorial debut. While it's an amazingly disturbing/confusing film (just look at the image above and tell me it's not freaky), it's certainly impressive for a feature film debut. It's definitely not a movie that everyone will enjoy. In fact most people will probably loathe it.

What are 3 gayer names for Nintendo's new console?

2006-07-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

Prior to this year's E3 (Electronics Entertainment Expo) Nintendo announced they were changing the name of the "Revolution." That was the project name for their new console and it was a pretty good name. However, the powers that be thought the system needed a gay name. So they re-named their console, "Wii." It's pronounced like the word "we." Almost immediately Nintendo got raped on the internet for their decision. How could they possibly change the name from something non-gay to something extremely gay? Some people I have encountered refuse to call it Wii. I really don't care too much because the name of the system doesn't have anything to do with the quality of the games.

Alas, the purpose of this post is to explore three alternate avenues that Nintendo could have taken. Three avenues of alternate fagosity.

1) They could have simply called the system "The Gay." That's just as lame and gay as "Wii." There are so many applications of that name that would rock. For example:
"Hey man, did you play that new Gay game?" "Yeah dude, it's totally Gay!" So on and so forth. I like it.

2) It could have been called "Dolphin." This was actually a project name for the N64. How gay would that have been? "Hey guys, I just got my Dolphin!" "That's great Bryce. You should invite Elliot over to play with your Dolphin." You get the point.

3) Why not take a page from Sony's book (just like they took several pages from Nintendo's book this past year), call it the "PlayStation 3." Seriously, Sony has got to change the name of their system. It's getting old and it lacks creativity. I hate Sony. They don't make good games and they don't make trustworthy consoles. Poeple go through PS2s like they do toilet paper. When it comes to durability Nintendo is king.

Three alternate avenues have been explored and I think Nintendo chose the "right" avenue. It's still a gay name, but there are gayer names. All I'm going to do is buy it and forget about the name. Just play the games and forget about the name painted on front of the console.

Is there any article of clothing more horridly awesome than the Anchor jacket?

2006-07-21T09:11:00.000-05:00

You asked that question like a week ago, but I just haven't been in the answering mood. I'm ready to resume my duties now.

For those of you who haven't seen Jaws (if there is such a person) or just can't remember a thing about it; I've provided a picture of the jacket in question. It's not the best picture ever but it's all I could find.

The jacket is truly awful, but at the same time it rocks. Who made the jacket? Who told the actor to wear the thing? There are so many questions that can be asked about that jacket.

As far as I know there definitely no article of clothing more "horridly awesome" than the anchor jacket. You can try and find it but you never will. It's a jacket with freaking anchors on it! How can you top that?

What would the [new] Brawny guy's daytime soap name be?

2006-07-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about how funny it would be if someone were to make a story about the Brawny paper towel guy. Well here we are trying to figure out certain things about his would-be life. It's just funny how things work out so well.

His daytime soap name would be Bolt or Colton. One of those two would definitely fit him quite well. His gay lover's name would have to be Bryce. Bolt/Colton would never date any man with a name other than Bryce. I mean, a man has to have some standards. Another interesting note; only Bolton(?) could wear flannel or long john's. Bryce would be the business-person in the relationship.

There's just so much that could be said about their relationship. Alas, you'll have to watch it unfold on this week's episode of "The Gays of Our Lives."

Mr. Clean vs. Brawny Paper Towel Guy

2006-07-11T21:08:00.000-05:00

The ultimate battle of cleaning giants. Yeah, but what are the squaring off at? Well let's go through all of the possibilities. If they were to get into a fight I would have to choose Mr. Clean to beat the Old Brawny Paper Towel Guy. The New Brawny Paper Towel Guy would definitely beat up Mr. Clean though. However, the New Brawny PT is on steroids and therefore he has an advantage. So I guess he would be disqualified.

If they were both tasked to seduce young children the Old Brawny Guy would win. Look at him, he looks like one of the Village People. I guarantee there's a glass dish of Werther's in his car and house. That dude is always ready to abduct a child.

Best dressed? I have to go with Mr. Clean. While a plain white tee is very bland and ugly, it's no where near as gay as flannel. What do you think we you see flannel? Gay lumberjack. Though Mr. Clean does look like a gay sailor.

Who would win in a race? Mr. Clean no doubt about it. The old Brawny guy would power walk while the new Brawny guy is too beefy to run. Mr. Clean probably isn't very fast but he can definitely outrun Brawny guy.

I think that about covers it. Overall Mr. Clean is just better than the Brawny Paper Towel Guy, old and new.

What are 3 redeeming qualities to movies based on TV shows?

2006-07-07T18:46:00.000-05:00

Well there certainly can't be too many redeeming qualities. Most TV shows are complete crap. There are very few shows that are actually good. South Park, Seinfeld (before it was ruined), The Simpsons (10+ years ago), Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Larry Sanders Show, Mr. Show, Cheap Seats, Arliss, etc. I named off eight good shows and for every one good show there must be 25 bad shows. This isn't about statistics though. This about redeeming qualities.

1) Movies are longer than TV shows. There are certain times I wish South Park was longer and the movie provided that. However some shows are just fine with 22 minutes. For the most part longer is better.

2) Movies have higher production values. TV shows have limited budgets which leads to bland sets. A higher budget means better sets, better effects, better casts, better everything.

3) Movies have a lot more freedom when it comes to the script. Take the South Park movie for example...again: in the show the boys toss profanities around frequently and they are bleeped out. That is fine for television but movies are allowed to unbleep those words. In most situations that may be pointless, but South Park is so absurd that it's funny. They push the limits on Comedy Central as far as TV is concerned, but a movie lets them truly express themselves.

There ya go, three redeeming qualities. Enjoy.

Do I agree that soccer players are well conditioned?

2006-07-07T18:37:00.000-05:00

There's no doubt that soccer players are amongst the most well conditioned athletes in the world. I think that bikers are probably better conditioned, not the pull-your-baby-behind-your-bike bikers, obviously the professional bikers like Lance. Wait a minute, triathletes! Those people are ridiculously well conditioned. There is no tougher feat in all of sports/track & field, and I know that from personal experience.

So yeah, soccer players are well conditioned but soccer sucks. There's nothing more pathetic than watching a soccer player flop and flail while trying to draw a yellow card. I know that players in other sports take dives, but soccer players look the absolute gayest when trying to draw a penalty.

Alright, I'll stop bashing soccer now. I've got to save up this angst to not watch the final World Cup match.

Am I following the World Cup? Why or why not?

2006-07-02T19:10:00.000-05:00

No I'm not. I hate soccer. It's the most boring sport in the world to watch. I'd rather watch people play badminton than soccer. Heck, I'd rather watch people knit on TV. How in the world can a team only manage like 3 shots on goal the entire game? Have you seen how massive the net is? How the hell can you miss it? I've never liked soccer and I never will. There is no reason for me to follow the World Cup and I'm not one of those people that pretends to care about it because it's popular. That's all the time I'm going to devote to soccer.

Which Superman do I prefer: the Original or the New formula?

2006-06-30T08:23:00.000-05:00

As Melissa already knows, I prefer the original. As much as I do enjoy the new one it just can't stand up to the original. Aside from that, we'll see how well the movie holds up over the next 25 years. The original Superman was a landmark film in both cinema and my life. I watched Superman quite frequently as a child and I always loved it. There are definitely cases of people liking a movie when they're young and then hating it when they're older. The fact of the matter is your tastes change. Take this for example: I loved the Ninja Turtle movies when I was a young lad. Now that I am older I realize that they are indeed horrible movies. Maybe they were acceptable as a child because I lacked the knowledge that I have now. I know what makes a good movie.

There was a point to that sidetrack. Superman is not one of those movies that was good back in the day and crappy now. Instead that film has only gotten better as the years have gone by. I love it now more than ever. Everything about the film is perfect, well almost everything. The only bad part of the film is the flying sequence with Superman and Lois. Lois has a little inner-monologue wherein she exposes her feelings for Superman. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't rhymed. However, the rest of the movie is amazing. The acting was superb, the writing was superb, the direction was great, the effects were awesome at the time, and the most amazing part of the film was the score. Definitely John Williams' second best score behind Jaws. Let's not forget one very important fact, Hackman was in the original.

As for the new Superman, it was just a bit too long. I've seen it twice now and I've loved it both times. I liked it more the second time. I must admit that Kevin Spacey did just as well as Hackman did playing Lex Luthor. I had my doubts about Spacey being cast in that role, but he was amazingly convincing. Brandon Routh was awesome as Superman. He looked and sounded like Christopher Reeve. All in all it was an awesome movie, just not as good as the original. Like I said, we'll see how it stands the test of time.

So for now the original is on top. The original is the best superhero film ever made...along with Batman Begins.

What was the gayest line in "The Rock?"

2006-06-26T21:46:00.000-05:00

Good question. I hate that movie so much. It's very hard to choose just one gay line to rule them all. However, I have found that line, with help from IMDB. It's the scene where they decide that Goodspeed is going to go to the Rock with the rescue team. Commander Anderson (Michael Biehn) asks Goodspeed (Nicholas Cage) if he's ever been in a combat situation before. Goodspeed asks him to define combat and Anderson asks the gayest man in the squad to do so. He says, "An incursion underwater to retake an impregnable fortress held by an elite team of US Marines in possession of 81 hostages and fifteen guided rockets armed with VX poison gas." It's how he says it, the camera angle, the zooming of the camera, and then the gay reaction of Goodspeed. It's truly the gayest line in the movie. As far as action movies go "The Rock" is quite possibly atop the crap food chain. I hate this movie with ever fiber of my being. The only reason these movies exist is because some people are actually entertained by this crap. I will never understand how anyone can actually claim to like the movie. Heck, I know some people that consider it their favorite movie. That just boggles my mind beyond belief.

The epic battles continue! Elian Gonzalez vs McCauley Caulkin

2006-06-23T10:57:00.000-05:00

First things first. Should the Big EG still be here or were we right in returning this one without the receipt? Hmmm. There is a difference between immigration and defectation (not a word but it sounds fun). Elian defected to the US because Cuba sucks "the big one." I believe they have power outages once a day for like 8 hours each day. The newest car they have is a 1950s Mercedes. Castro is still wearing that very gay unfashionable hat. Castro is still alive and probably will be for another 100 trillion years. Let's face it, life in Cuba isn't that bad.

I'm going to be the bad guy if I say we were right in sending him back. He wanted a better life here in 'Mairca and that is definitely understandable. You can't blame anybody for wanting to get away from Castro. It was kind of messed up how they captured the little guy. Aside from all that, look how cute he is.

However, I think we did the right thing. Yep, I'm the bad guy on this one. Think about it: if we would have made an exception for Elian we would have made an exception for Paco, Enrique, Esteban, Maria, etc. Eventually the flood gates would open and we'd have even more illegals than we do now. We had to be stalwart and say "no!" It may not seem right but it does make sense.

Perhaps one day Castro will run out of batteries and the people of Cuba will be free. Then Elian would be able to come to the US and have a fun filled life working for McDonald's. Perhaps he will work at Giant (that's a grocery store here in MD, so for your benefit I'll also say Kroger) like Mario, the non-english speaking Mexican Melissa and I encountered last night. I think it's part of Giant's grand plan. They get you to buy the discount card and you never get to use it because Mario doesn't speak english. He's having a hard time ringing everything up and by the time he's done you just want to get the hell out of there. That's what I did last night.

Onward.

Next topic: who's more cute, Elian or Caulken?

Elian. McCauley Caulken was annoying as hell in Home Alone. Not only that, I was supremely annoyed by the fact that a kid could set these elaborate traps in an hour! Yeah right. The second one was even more retarded. How can a man be hit in the head with 4 bricks from 4 stories up and not die? Plus Caulken's attitude during those movies was annoying. Then there is the matter of his face. Every time I saw his face in the movie I wanted it to melt like Raiders of the Lost Ark. Elian is a winner in one of two bouts today which isn't bad.

DaVinci Code: fun, fast-paced fiction or threat to Christianity?

2006-06-23T10:41:00.000-05:00

Or threat to intelligence? I have not read the book nor will I. I shelled out $9 to see the crap movie and I don't think I'll be giving any more of my money to Mr. Brown. If this is a threat to Christianity I'm Walker, Texas Ranger. Look, I'm not a religious guy in any way, shape, or form, but I do know that this is not a threat to Christianity. It's not fun, fast-paced fiction either. It's crap. Tom Hanks' hair proves that point for me. I would go more in depth on why I hate it so much, but I already did that on a past post. Just search the archives to find it. I don't want to repeat myself.

I will say another word on the whole "threat to Christianity" thing though. If you're a Christian and this book/movie threatens you, you're retarded. How can a fictional book/movie threaten your beliefs? How can you be taught one thing your entire life and then on a whim think "hey, this Brown guy may be on to something." Yeah he's on to something, a pile of money. The man is filthy rich because of this book and I'm sure he'll claim to believe what he wrote, but he believes in Benjamin Franklin a little more.

It's okay to watch/read this thing and have some questions, but to be threatened by this? Please. You'd be better off being threatened by marshmallows or teddy bears.

I'm going to stop now before I start going in circles, like the movie.

Who's more dangerous O'Reilly or Carlson?

2006-06-21T22:03:00.000-05:00

There's one thing we need to understand before asking such questions. I don't watch cable news that much. I hate NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNBC, CNN, etc. I hate them all. All they talk about is bad news and they spread nothing but ill will. My main concern in life is not the news. I care about Melissa, family, golf, movies, and food.

The only news I hear is on 1320 am during my lunch breaks at work. Maybe I can tolerate the news better on the radio because there isn't a face to put with the voice. Whenever someone is annoying on TV you immediately hate their face because that's what you see. So by seeing their face I want it to explode. In essence I want to "scan" them.

Now I'm sure that my lack of concern for news may seem "irresponsible" seeing as how most people preach that it's "your duty to know what's going on," but the simple truth is that I really don't care. You can tell me to watch the news until you're blue in the face but it won't matter. I'm a stubborn guy and I always will be.

Another thing you'll notice is that I get off topic all the time. There was a point to it this time though. I wanted to make sure that we all know that I don't really care about political questions. Politics leads to arguments which leads to stupidity. The truth with politics is that nobody is right and everyone is wrong because no one can agree on anything.

Getting back to the question at hand; who's more dangerous O'Reilly or Carlson? Being Republican I'm going to say Anderson Cooper. No, Bill Maher.

You did have a very good question, but you just asked the wrong person. Not only am I Republican, I really don't watch too much news, just ask Melissa. I get most of my news from her. She cares way more about that than I do.

Like I said, it was a good question but you just didn't know enough about me to know it was not the best question to ask me. In your defense, the site is called "askzach" and that does not imply any limitation to your questions. If you wish to ask me political questions I will answer them as such. It's up to you what you want to ask me just keep it clean and semi-sane. Chances are I will end up doing a little research on your question and I may learn something in the process.

Have I seen Alabama?

2006-06-21T21:47:00.000-05:00

Yes I have seen Alabama many times. I've ridden through there many times because the vast majority of my relatives live in Mississippi. In traveling to MS you have to go through AL, unless you don't care about time. I see nothing wrong with AL because it's a lot more scenic than DE. Aside from that, Alabama is home to the university of Alabama (duh!). I love the University of Alabama because that was drilled into me at an early age. My dad has always liked their football team because of Bear Bryant and Gene Stallings. I love their football team as well and I know that will disappoint any fan of Georgia football. However, I like UGA as well. My family used to live in Kennesaw, GA which is 30 miles north of Atlanta. So I like Georgia sports teams as well. Well, I like the Braves and the Thrashers. I really don't care for the Falcons. I'm tired of Michael Vick's whining about wanting to be called a "quarterback." Maybe not so much his wanting to be called a quarterback, but his insistence that he is a quarterback.

I told my dad that the Falcons were going to suffer last year because of Michael Vick. I told him about this article I read in SI about Vick being tired of scrambling and such. As soon as I read that I knew their season was doomed. The only reason that team is successful is because of his unpredictability. When he stands in the pocket the only prediction you need to make is that he will throw a crappy pass and/or an interception.

So yeah, I've been to Alabama. It's not the greatest state ever, but it's not the worst.

Would I rather be in a lifeboat with Bill Clinton for a week? Or, would I rather be shipwrecked on a desert isle with Al Gore?

2006-06-21T21:35:00.000-05:00

Wow! I hate both men so much. My gut instinct/brain say Bill Clinton because you know that there will be comedy because everything he says is a total lie. However, if I were stuck on an island with Gore for one week, with nobody else around, I could solve the nation's biggest problem within minutes.

Hmmm. What's the right answer here? Would I want humor or carnage?

I'm only kidding. This is a very easy question. I would choose Gore in a hearbeat knowing that there would only be one survivor going back to the main land. The only difficulty would be choosing the method of termination. I'm sure I could think of something creative. Anyhow, Gore would not be running for President next time around.

There is your answer. I musn't think about it too much because I'll get depressed when I realize it's not a reality. Only (halfway) kidding.

What do I think of this picture?

2006-06-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

I think you know what I think about this picture. It's one of the gayest pictures I have ever seen. It reminds me of Anchorman. So that is a positive thing but it's still a super gay picture. My question to Hasselhoff would be "what the hell were you thinking?"

The sad part is the hawk was probably more embarrassed than Hasselhoff. I'm sure that was a major dent in the hawk's career and he had trouble getting work afterwards. The only gig he could land was sitting atop semis. I feel sorry for the hawk because Hasselhoff is still around. The hawk is probably dead now. That's a bummer too.

What would have made the picture even better is if Hasselhoff was on the hawk's outsrecthed wing. That would have been gold. Instead they opted for the gayest leather jacket you have ever seen on one of the lamest actors you have ever seen.

However, the picture possesses unparalleled comedic value. If you don't have this one already you should save it. This is definitely something that needs to be seen by every living thing. Spread the joy.

What's my dream career?

2006-06-21T20:56:00.000-05:00

I believe I answered this one at some point but what they heck, I'll answer it again. If I could do anything I would be a professional golfer. No big surprise there I'm sure. You all know how much I love golf and I would give anything to be a professional golfer. There is nothing better than playing a very good round of golf. It's one of the most gratifying things you can do because you have to work so hard to do it. Playing good golf is something to be very proud of.

Slowly but surely I'm gaining an understanding of all the swing mechanics. I guess my education began last year in Florida when I visited Melissa. I made her take me to every Edwin Watts golf store possible, and one Golfsmith. A sidenote real quick: Melissa was very patient at each golf store and I appreciated it (still do). It was at the first (and only) Golfsmith that I've been to that I found the basis for my education, Ben Hogan's "Five Lessons: The Modern Fundamentals of Golf." Now the word modern may not apply to the book completely seeing as how the articles the book is based on came out in 1955 or 1957. Either way it was a long time ago. Upon reading this book I discovered a few things: a) Ben Hogan, while he may have been arrogant, was one of the greatest golfers ever. b) Ben Hogan knew more about the golf swing than anyone. c) Hogan had the most solid swing of all time. d) While the fundamentals are old they still apply to today's game.

Upon realizing all of these things I undertook a change in my swing. While last year was certainly a brutal year for my game it has definitely been worth the torture. I started out slowly this year because I was still adjusting to the changes. Like Hogan, I suffered from a very bad hook which tended to surface quite often. I changed my swing because the hooks finally drove me crazy. I couldn't hit a drive without thinking about a nice banana shaped shot to the left rough. At the present time I think I have the problem under control. In fact I usually get into trouble on the right side of the course now. That was something I never did in years past. I have not lost any distance as a result of my changes and may have actually gained some. All I did was apply Hogan's fundamentals to my game and I'm slowly becoming a better player. My scores may not indicate it at the moment, but I'm striking the ball better now than I ever have before. The only thing keeping me back is poor decision making (at times) and my temper.

Melissa has told me time and time again that I have OCD and she's right. I'm a very obsessive person. Ya know, I'm very obsessive. I'm just so obsessive. See what I mean?! Being the way that I am I obsess over bad shots for a long time during the round. It takes me a few holes to get over one bad shot and as a result I play much worse in the process. I've gotten better the past few rounds and it's just something that's going to take time. It's imperative that I overcome my own mind to be a better golfer. It's much harder than it sounds though. Baby steps.

So what was the question?

The fact that I rambled on about fundamentals, and not the question, for this long should give you a good indication that my answer is true. I would give anything to be a professional golfer. Nothing else could make me jabber on like this. Obviously you noticed that I spent a lot of time talking about Hogan (who is indeed pictured above). I didn't really care for Hogan until I read his book and realized that he was actually the best ball striker ever. All I knew about Hogan was that he rarely spoke while playing and he wasn't very nice. Well that was a misconception. I've since learned that Hogan didn't speak during competition and was actually nice. Ok, so one out of two isn't bad. I do understand why he didn't speak though, he was so focused on the task at hand that idle chit chat was pointless. He wasn't on the course to make friends, he was there to win. He won over 70 tournaments including 9 major championships. He was nearly killed in a car accident in the winter of 1949. He was told that he might never walk again in addition to never golfing again. 11 months after the crash he entered his first tournament and finished second. If that's not amazing enough, he won the 1950 U.S. Open at Merion. That has got to be one of the most inspirational stories ever. The man nearly dies, comes back one year later, and wins the toughest tournament of the year. Awesome.

Which of the 50 states do I dislike the most? Which is the easiest to make fun of?

2006-06-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

My initial response to both questions is Delaware. It's the second smallest state and yet it probably has the largest amount of bad drivers per capita in the entire world. I hate getting behind people from Delaware. Aside from the poor driving the state is just downright ugly. Have you ever seen a more bland state? I myself have not and probably never will. There's nothing good to look at in Delaware. Seriously, the most scenic thing you will see is a "Nanticoke Home" factory or Dover Downs. Yuck! I don't like Delaware.

Well forget about the whole "initial response" thing. Delaware is the answer to both questions. I've thought about it and that's perfectly logical.

A close second is California. That goes for both questions as well. That's just one giant state of irony. The state is full of bleeding heart liberals who do nothing but whine about our Republican President and then they elect a Republican Governor. Furthermore, they like to cut down big businesses for being super greedy and hurting the common man. When I say "they" I do mean actors/directors/producers/and all other movie affiliated douches. So how are they showing big businesses what it takes? They're demanding massive contracts to perform in a film or else they'll look elsewhere. Take Halle Berry for example: she coerced the makers of X-Men: The Last Stand into giving her more money by demanding a larger role in the film or she would leave. By doing this they had to eliminate Nightcrawler from the film and that totally destroyed the film. Halle Berry got more screen time and every second of it was a travesty.

Oh and I one more thing about movies and movie studios: I guess they're not in business to make money. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that they're sweethearts at all of the movie studios in Hollywood. I'm sure the common man or woman can get a job at a movie studio without a problem. People get stepped on in that town every single day. Scripts are passed over, actors are overlooked, directors are not given their big chance, etc. Hollywood is only about making money. They don't give a darn about anyone but themselves. So don't let their slick "stylish" ads fool you.

I guess I could have gone either way on these questions, but I have more exposure to Delaware. If I lived in or near CA I would have definitely given it the number one spot.

One more thing: I don't mind Wilmington. That's a pretty decent town from what I've seen. I like Kahunaville and they have a very nice Minor League Baseball stadium. In addition to that they have a nice mall around that area. So not all of Delaware is a total bland fest. "Northern" Delaware is actually quite tolerable. Northern, the upper 45 miles of Delaware vs. the lower 45 miles.

Which Kennedy do I like the least?

2006-06-14T21:41:00.000-05:00

Good question. They're all pretty disgusting so it's a hard choice. JFK and Teddy Kennedy jump to mind first and foremost. It's definitely between those two. So let's go to the break-down.

JFK was President, a bad one, from 60-65 when he was assassinated...which was indeed a tragedy. You can hate a person all you want but assassinations are the purest form of murder and cowardice. As tragic as his assassination was he was still a crappy President. He got us into Vietnam and did nothing to get us out. There was the embarrassing Bay of Pigs and the whole Cuban missile Crisis. The only thing good that happened during his tenure in office was the space program. Aside from political issues he was most famous for his friendship with the Rat Pack (especially Sinatra) and his affair with Marilyn Monroe. The man was pure sleeze.

Teddy on the other hand is pure alcohol. He is most well known for being the ironic Kennedy. Of all the Kennedys that have died tragically, you'd figure Teddy would have been one of those. The man is constantly intoxicated and should have died in the car wreck in which he drove off a bridge with that woman and drowned her...making him a murderer. As my dad has said though, that woman's death prevented him from running for the Presidency. I think he's still around for novelty more than anything. His face is bigger than one of Jupiter's moons.

Teddy is by far the more pathetic of the two, but I hate JFK more. The man was a disgrace as President and his Vice President was even worse (see LBJ).

That was a pretty cool question. It made me think about something different. I usually don't think about political figures that often. The only thing that prevents people from shooting down (you know I meant that one) JFK's image is the fact that he was assassinated. Face the facts, he was dookie. Teddy is still dookie and will be until the day he dies, which he might not ever die just to continue his irony.

One more thing to note. The Kennedys are filthy rich as we all know. How did they get their fortune? JFK's father was a smuggler in the prohibition era. Not only that, his dad was a pioneer of the "vote early vote often" method of voting. So that's a pretty honest family from the top down.

Who do I feel that South Park has made fun of the best?

2006-06-12T09:06:00.000-05:00

I like this question very much, but it is a tough one. How can I possibly give one "right" answer to this question? I think they've done well making fun of pretty much every person they've set out to make fun of. They've made fun of individuals as well as groups of people.

They made fun of the Mormons, Joseph Smith, Tom Cruise, Travolta, R. Kelly, Scientologists, J. Lo, Affleck, Russell Crowe, Al Gore, Catholics, Christian rock bands, lions, anime, Mel Gibson, Barbara Streisand, Paris Hilton, Hooters waitresses, illegal aliens (Goobacks), etc.

After looking at those listed above I think Russell Crowe, Al Gore, and Bennifer stick out the most. Okay, I've narrowed it down to three "finalists" and now I must pick a winner.

As much as I love the Bennifer episode I think I like the episodes with Crowe and Gore more.

Down to two.

Crowe's episode was ridiculous and incredibly funny. I love all the songs he sings throughout the episode. I love the fact that he wants to fight every ethnicity in the world in every city in the world. His tugboat is very funny especially when he shoots himself. Then there is Chef's new HDtv that gets up and walks around firing lasers at people. Okay, those are the highlights of that episode.

Gore's episode was even more ridiculous than Crowe's. He told the children of South Park that the number threat to the world is "Manbearpig." A fictional creature created by Gore to get him attention because nobody cares about him. He goes around doing lectures on MBP and dressing up like MBP to spread MBP awareness. Plus he tries to sound cool by saying "seriol" instead of serious. Also he says "excelcior" in moments of "triumph." Lastly, he puts on a cape when he claims he defeated Manbearpig and "flies" away.

So now I must make a choice. Crowe or Gore? I hate these difficult decisions. I guess I'm going to have to go with Gore. As much I love Russell Crowe's episode I think they made fun of Gore a lot better than they did Crowe. Additionally, I hate Al Gore with all my heart. He is the worst politician in the world. If he were to ever get elected this country would die. Not only that, he thinks he's the most important man alive. I think they pretty much put Gore in his place in that episode.

Great question.

What do I think of the Ayatollah? Do I have any interest in visiting Iran?

2006-06-12T08:52:00.000-05:00

To be completely honest I don't know a thing about the Ayatollah. I looked up some stuff on the Ayatollah on Wikipedia which had a description of what they do and how they're given the rank of Ayatollah. Other than that I know nothing of the Ayatollah. Seeing as how I know nothing of the Ayatollah I do not have an opinion on the Ayatollah.

As for visitng Iran, I have no interest. It just doesn't seem like somewhere I would want to go. I'd go there if they had a good golf course, but other than that I wouldn't go.

Alright, the questions were not bad, but you just asked the wrong person. Did you really think I would know about the Ayatollah? I'm sorry that I didn't answer these questions that well. I'll try harder in the future to care more about other cultures. I'll start caring in two weeks. Is that agreeable?

What do I think of Emilio Estevez? Are there any worse actors than him?

2006-06-11T20:08:00.000-05:00

I haven't thought about him in a long time and that's good. I don't think he's a good actor. I don't think he's a bad actor. I think he's an atrocious actor. However he has been in some okay movies from time to time. There are plenty of worse actors than Estevez. Travolta, Colin Farrel, Jamie Foxx, Charlie Sheen, Hugh Grant, the Governator, Stalone, Joshua Jackson, Tim Allen, etc. That list could on for a long time.

I know that it's easy to single Estevez because he's such a bad actor. If you watch one of his films you feel that you're life is being destroyed. You must remember that the other actors in the films suck just as much if not more. Then if you watch a film with the actors above you realize they can single handedly kill a movie. It takes a truly terrible actor to destroy a movie by his or herself.

As far as I'm concerned, Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrel are the absolute worst actors in the universe.

I've answered this before but I'll do it again.

2006-06-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

What's my favorite dog?

Dachshund.

Why do similar movies come out at the same time?

2006-06-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

Simple question. Take these two masterpieces for example: Dante's Peak and Volcano came out in close proximity to each other in 97 because they're both about volcanoes. For some reason volcanoes were hot (yes, I meant to say it) in 1997. So when two studios have similar films they'll release them back-to-back to compete with one another. It's usually disaster movies though. There wasn't a Brokeback Mountain clone after it was released. Though you could claim that Brokeback was merely riding the gay wave created by Crash.

Another example: Deep Impact and Armageddon. Both were about meteors hitting the Earth and ending all life as we know it. Both films had crap love stories and lame acting. However, Deep Impact had Morgan Freeman. That alone made the movie better than Armageddon. Armageddon is one of the worst movies ever made. Horrible.

Think about this though; Dante's Peak and Deep Impact came out first. They were both better than the equivalent disaster film that followed. Their titles have two names. The casts aren't as dynamic. They cost much less to make than their competitors. Is all this coincidental? No.

Why don't I like Risk?

2006-06-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

Why don't I like a game that takes as much time to play as it actually does to conquer the world? Maybe it's the fact that I get rigor mortis every time I play the game that makes me hate it. For some reason playing a board game for 5 hours just isn't fun. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the answer is there somewhere.

The thing I hate the most about Risk is the fact that I could be doing something better. I could be watching a movie, playing Monopoly, playing DS, or I could be sitting in one spot spacing out. There are plenty of better things to do instead of playing Risk.

Where do I think Bin Laden is?

2006-06-07T21:09:00.000-05:00

I think that Bin Laden is hanging out at Al Gore's house. Think about it; where is the safest place on Earth for Bin Laden? A democrats house! They're total wusses and they wouldn't do a thing to Bin Laden. In fact Gore is probably keeping him safe in order to "capture" him before he starts his next campaign. They have a deal worked out to help each other out. Gore will "capture" him and then pardon him. Then Bin Laden will blow up the White House with Gore in it because he doesn't care about anyone.

Seriously, what would Gore have done after 9/11? Nothing. There probably would have been more terrorist attacks after that had a democrat been in office. People can criticize Bush all they want but he's doing his best to keep us safe. Democrats would want to capture him and try him and then not kill him. Yuck. I hate the left wing.

What are the ten best war movies?

2006-06-07T19:56:00.000-05:00

I like war movies but I've never actually thrown out a list of my favorites. The thing to remember about war movies is that most war movies are anti-war movies. That's kind of the point of making a movie about war. Film-makers are showing how much war sucks and how senseless it can be. This is going to be a tough list to make.

Here we go:

1. Paths of Glory- Kubrick's stunning anti-war film from the 50s. I've mentioned it before on the blog but it needs to be mentioned again. Kirk Douglas plays a French Colonel during WWI who must defend three soldiers [falsely] accused of cowardice during an impossible battle. As I said before, it's a film that shows the incompetence of the leaders of the French army. Whether they were actually incompetent during WWI I do not know. It doesn't really matter. All that matters is that this is the best war movie ever made and it is only that way because of Kubrick. A lesser director could not have made this film.

2. Saving Private Ryan- One of Spielberg's best films and certainly the best WWII film ever made. Spielberg captured the realism and horror of war far better than anyone before him. While the scenes are grizzly at times they are realistic. Spielberg wanted you to feel horrified and shocked by what you saw. On a more technical note Spielberg did perfect the first-person camera angle in this film. The FPC was initially introduced to film in the 70s with films like The French Connection II and Halloween. Halloween started that trend in horror films because that camera angle was adopted as the view of the killer. Anyhow, the first-person perspective in SPR tried to put you into the scene. Spielberg definitely accomplished his goal in that endeavor. Aside from all that, Spielberg's film was mainly a tribute to those men who fought so bravely to preserve our way of life in WWII. I know I whine about this a lot, but I can't help it; SPR should have won best picture without a doubt. The fact that it did not win is a total disgrace to Spielberg, Tom Hanks, and all the soldiers who died in WWII. How can a gay movie about Shakespeare be better than SPR?

3. Apocalypse Now- Francis Ford Coppola's Vietnam epic is about a Captain in the army who tasked to track down a renegade Colonel. The film is a fictional story about 'Nam but a great story. Captain Willard is sent to kill Colonel Kurtz because he "got off the boat." Kurtz pretty much lost his mind and started a militia with the natives of Cambodia...which he leads to kill American soldiers. The farther along Willard gets in his mission the more he starts to sympathize with Kurtz. While Kurtz is undoubtedly insane you understand why he went insane. Willard himself begins to go insane on his mission to find Kurtz. It's a truly amazing film from a truly amazing director.

4. Full Metal Jacket- Stanley Kubrick's Vietnam masterpiece follows a few soldiers in the Marines from basic to combat. The main character is Pvt. Joker. Obviously Joker is not his name but his Drill sergeant gives him that nickname because he's a "comedian." Basically the film shows you how psychotic basic training can be and how terrible combat can be. It's not a watered down look at Vietnam. Kubrick never watered down any of his movies and this is probably the most sterling example of that. If you are not a fan of realistic violence and super harsh language you'd better look elsewhere. I feel that this is probably the best representation of Vietnam ever put on film. Obviously I can't speak from experience seeing as how I wasn't born, but from what I've heard about 'Nam Kubrick's film sounds the closest to the real thing.

5. Bridge on the River Kwai- Not a true war movie in the sense that SPR is, but a movie that takes place in WWII and deals with the atrocities of war. In my opinion this was David Lean's best film. I like Lawrence of Arabia, but this was better. Alec Guinness gave a master performance as the British colonel Nicholson who at first hates his captors, but he eventually goes insane and befriends them. So it's a prisoner of war movie, but a darn fine film at that. As is the case with all Lean films, it features stellar acting, directing, and writing.

6. The Great Escape- Yet another prisoner of war movie but definitely the most fun of its variety. The movie is as its title suggests...great. As far as ensemble casts go, this may be the best one ever. I have never seen a movie more stacked with major talent than this film. Steve McQueen, Richard Attenborough (the old guy from Jurassic Park), James Garner, James Coburn, Donald Plesance, Charles Bronson (Harmonica), etc. Now you may not be able to put names with faces, or you just might not know any of these dudes at all. It doesn't matter, just take my word when I say this cast is stacked. Anyhoo, the movie is about a group of Brits and Yanks in a Nazi POW camp and their attempt to organize a mass escape. They dig three tunnels at the same time just in case something happens and they have to use one of the other tunnels. There really isn't too much else to say about the film. That's about all the film is about. There are several events during the tunnel digging process but you just have to watch it.

7. The Thin Red Line- This is probably my brother's favorite war movie of all time, but I'm not as fond as he is of this film. While I appreciate it's uniqueness in the war movie genre, it's just not as good as the movies listed above. I like the fact that Terrence Malick made his film a more personal film than other war movies, but it's just not as accessible. The film tries to be deeply philosophical throughout, but I really think it's more ego than anything. The whole film has a feeling of "we're really saying something that hasn't been said before." Maybe it's just me, but that's just the feeling I get when I watch it. However, I still enjoy the film and appreciate the performances, especially Nick Nolte (trademark douche bag role) and John Cusack. There is an especially engaging scene that features Cusack and Nolte in which they debate whether they should advance right away or stop and give the men water (which they need). While this may sound like a dumb scene, it's not. Nolte is Cusack's superior but he respects Cusack like a son and values his opinion. Cusack wants to stop for water and Nolte does not. Instead of yelling and screaming to get his way Cusack says nothing. He simply stands there with a calm look on his face and lets Nolte yell and scream. Essentially Nolte has an argument with himself and talks himself into stopping for water. It's an awesome scene and probably the best one in the film.

8. Das Boot- I think I mentioned this film on my "Top 5 Foreign Films" post. This film follows a German U-Boat crew during WWII. It's an insanely long film (4 1/2 hours!) but a great one. The film has to be long in order for you to actually sympathize with the Germans in the end. You go on this amazing journey with this German crew and you actually like them in the end!

9. The Deer Hunter- Yet another 'Nam film. This one stars De Niro and Christopher Walken as long time best friends who enter Vietnam together. They are placed in the same unit in 'Nam and are both captured and placed in a POW camp. While in captivity they are forced to play Russian roulette with their fellow prisoners. While it made for some gripping scenes it's highly unrealistic. There have never been any documented accounts of NVA captors forcing prisoners to play Russian roulette. Oh well. Moving on, the film follows Mike (De Niro) and Nicky (Walken) from their steel working job in PA to Nam and back to PA. Unfortunately Nicky does not come back to PA because he goes completely insane and disappears in 'Nam. So why is it called The Deer Hunter? When Mike and Nicky were in PA they went hunting on the weekends. Mike would not shoot a deer unless he could get a perfect shot and he would only take one shot. Those two words become quite key as the movie progresses..."one shot." It's especially key at the end of the film. There's no doubt it's an awesome film but it's not as great as people make it out to be.

10. Gallipoli- Proof that Mel Gibson was once a great actor. This was one of Mel's first film roles. He and Mark Lee (pretty much unknown) play two Aussie teens who want to join the Aussie army in WWI. They think that joining the army is a good idea and will lead to great things, but they're not very right. It's a fascinating tale of two young blokes who develop an endearing friendship in a time of chaos. This film has one of the most sad endings ever. Maybe the most sad ending ever. It's just horrible. After watching it you need to watch Babe or something like that. You definitely need a pick me up after this one.

I left out a few highly regarded war films for good reason...I hate them. Platoon is the most over-rated war movie ever made along with Born on the Fourth of July. Both films are directed by Oliver Stone and both films suck. Oliver Stone is a crap director and his movies are totally unbearable. The only thing good about Platoon is Willem Dafoe. Dafoe makes any film better, but he couldn't save this one.

Hopefully you will feel a little more enlightened after this. Probably not, but I feel better having answered a question.

What are my top 3 favorite movies for each decade starting with the 50s?

2006-06-04T17:57:00.000-05:00

Hmmm...that's a very good question. I know that I have talked about my favorite movies quite a bit but I never categorize by decade. However that is an interesting premise.

1950s
1. Paths of Glory- I won't say it's Kubrick's best film (because it's hard to choose just one) but it is his most meaningful film. Kirk Douglas (Spartacus/Van Gogh) gave his best performance of all time in this film. He was very powerful yet his character showed some sensitivity. A very powerful film that needs to be seen by all movie fans.

2. 12 Angry Men- This movie pretty much set the standard for court room dramas. Henry Fonda gave one of his best performances ever in this film. He played the odd man out in this film as the only juror certain the defendant was innocent. Masterful performance from Fonda along with an amazing ensemble cast.

3. Anatomy of a Murder- 12 Angry Men set the standard, this film followed. Jimmy Stewart plays defense attorney for an Army officer accused of murder. The officer is clearly guilty of murder, but the question is whether or not he was sane at the time. The court room scenes with Stewart and George C. Scott are perfection.

Honorable mention must go out to Night of the Hunter. That is the film I mentioned in my post about Robert Mitchum. That is an amazing film and worthy of mentioned amongst the 3 above. The other 3 were just a little more solid than Nigh of the Hunter. However, Robert Mitchum's performance was just as masterful as any of the actors involved in the films above.

1960s
1. Once Upon a Time in the West- Do I really need to say anything? It's my favorite film of all time and that will never change. This is Leone's masterpiece and if anyone says otherwise they're fooling themselves. Only 15 pages of dialogue in the script yet it's as if there are 100 pages. The actors let their expressions and actions do the talking. This film contains the single greatest scene in movie history. I defy anyone to watch said scene and not feel emotionally stimulated. I'm not going to say that everyone will agree with me, but it's an emotionally powerful scene. It's vicious yet it's amazingly beautiful. Leone is the greatest director of all time. This is the greatest film of all time.

2. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly- Leone's second best film. Here we have the story of three men chasing one treasure. All three men are equally evil and yet their murdering seems funny when compared to the chaos going on around them. The film takes place during the Civil War a time in which murder really doesn't seem all that crazy in comparison to the hundreds of thousands of young men being slain on the battlefield. Trademark Leone close-ups and one of Morricone's greatest film scores...only surpassed by Once Upon a Time in the West. Clint Eastwood's finest film as an actor. You don't think of Clint playing a sensitive role, but his character, "Blondie," had a sympathetic side.

3. 8 1/2- Fellini's masterpiece about the process of making a film. After Fellini made La Dolce Vita he suffered writer's block and could not figure out what he wanted to do. So he set out to make a film about making films. The movie is basically made up of all the thoughts in his head. While some scenes may seem totally irrational, that's the point. Those are the thoughts he was having while trying to figure out what he wanted to do. A truly beautiful film.

Honorable Mention- Cape Fear. I love this film but it is not as good as the 3 above. Yet again Mitchum provides a master performance. It was Mitchum's finest performance by far. Dr. Strangelove, one of the funniest films of all time. I love it with all my heart and I hate the fact that I couldn't pick my top 5 for each decade. However I would then hate not being able to pick 10 and so on and so forth. Oh, Cool Hand Luke. Paul Newman rocks in that film.

1970s
1. Jaws- Spielberg's best film ever. Somehow tagged as a horror film, this is one of the best adventure films ever. The film score is one of the most memorable of all time. Actually, it's probably the most memorable. The acting was phenomenal in this film. Robert Shaw was immaculate as Quint. I don't care what anybody says, this is the best film from the 70s.

2. The Conversation- Both Francis Ford Coppola and Gene Hackman's best film of all time. While most people will say that either The Godfather I or II or Apocolypse Now is Coppola's best film, they're wrong. This film is much deeper and much more meaningful than any of those films. Gene Hackman gives his greatest performance of all time. It is so beautifully crafted with all of its subtle nuances. Hackman has never played a more restrained character. While his performance may seem over-rated at first, repeated viewings reveal its importance. Hackman does not say too much throughout the film, but each look he gives has meaning. You can see the wheels are constantly turning in the conflicted mind of Harry Caul. One of the most disturbing endings in film history.

3. A Clockwork Orange- Another one of Kubrick's best films. A wonderful satire about the ways of society. I love how the main character preys on the innocent, is betrayed by his droogs, preyed upon by his victims, and then celebrated as a hero who survived the horrors of government control. I'm sure that most people despise this film, but I won't blame anyone. It's definitely not for everyone.

Honorable Mention- The French Connection I & II, those are two of Hackman's finest performances. Most people say the first one is better, but I think the second one is superior. Hackman's performance in part two is only overshadowed by his performance in The Conversation. Barry Lyndon is Stanley Kubrick's must under-appreciated great film. Taxi Driver is either Scorsese's best or at least tied for his best film. De Niro's best performance ever...along with Raging Bull. Eraserhead, the absolute strangest film ever made. This was the dawn of David Lynch, the strangest film maker ever. Eraserhead was rumored to be Kubrick's favorite film. Young Frankenstein, Mel Brooks' best comedy of all time. Quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. Superman, my favorite film as a child. I will always love this film.

1980s
1. The Right Stuff- Best movie ever about aviation and the space program. The most inspirational film I have ever seen. It's 3 hours and 15 minutes long yet it only feels like it's 2 and a half hours long. I love every single frame of this film.

2. The Verdict- Paul Newman's absolute greatest performance ever. How he did not win best actor is beyond my comprehension. This is the ultimate court room drama. Not only that, but it's a great story of redemption.

3. Crimes and Misdemeanors, Hannah and Her Sisters, Broadway Danny Rose, Zelig, The Purple Rose of Cairo, and Radio Days- Yeah, I can't pick just one Woody Allen film. I love each of these films equally therefor they tie for 3rd. Each film is different and each film is amazing. Zelig is amazing from a technical stand point considering all it took to make the film. If I were pressed to choose just one out of these 6 films I would choose Hannah and Her Sisters. To me that is the quintessential Woody Allen film.

Honorable Mention- Brazil, I love this movie very much, but I just don't feel that it can stack up to the movies listed above. While it is indeed a meaningful movie and chock full of crazy imagery, it just can't compete with masterpieces above. Hoosiers, the best sports film ever made. Yet another under-rated performance from Hackman. I feel he deserved best actor but he was denied. Mississippi Burning, a powerful film about racial tension in 1950s MS. Once again, Hackman deserved best actor and they opted for Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, horrible. One of the most over-rated performances ever. Blue Velvet, probably David Lynch's second most normal film next to The Elephant Man. While it is a strange film, you can understand it. House of Games, one of David Mamet's best films. It's a very slick look at the con game and the devious men who play it. Die Hard, I think we all know why it rocks.

1990s
1. L.A. Confidential- Film noir at its absolute finest. Forget Chinatown, this is the best noir film ever made. I love this film with all my heart. The dialogue is amazing along with the amazing plot. One of the best ensemble casts ever assembled. Russell Crowe's best performance by far.

2. Happiness- I know I'm not going to be popular for this choice, but oh well. I love this film very much. It's very original and you can't argue that. I have never seen a more messed up film than Happiness. As messed up as the film is, it's just as funny. You may feel a little guilty laughing at the situations in the film, but that's the intention.

3. Ed Wood- Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Martin Landau's best film. This film is one of the most charming films I have ever seen. You can't help but love Ed even though he's a loser. He has such an upbeat attitude towards everything even though it's obvious he'll never attain success.

3. The Big Lebowski- This is by far the best Coen Brothers film. It stars Jeff Bridges as "The Dude." His name is actually Jeff Lebowski, but he goes by The Dude. The Dude is quite possibly the most pathetic hero of all time. He is lazy, dirty, poor, and stupid. Yet there is a certain charm to this former hippie activist that makes you care about him. That charm comes from an awesome script and an awesome performance. The first scene with The Dude pretty much sets the tone for the entire movie: The Dude is in a grocery store looking for half and half, to make a white Russian. He finds it, opens it, sips it, takes it to the counter, has a milk moustache, and writes a check for 69 cents. How amazing is that? That is one of the funniest scenes in movie history and it only gets better. My brother and I had the good fortune to this masterpiece in theaters and it has only gotten better with repeat viewings. If you are a mature enough person this is an amazingly funny movie. By mature enough I mean of an appropriate viewing age. Lots of language and nudity in this one.

3. Unforgiven- So maybe I'm going a bit crazy with three movies tied for third, but it's the honest truth. I love Unforgiven. It is Clint Eastwood's second best movie as an actor and his best movie as a director. It's the story of a pyschotic cowboy who has been out of the killing game for 11 years. He is asked to go on one more job, for the money, and he agrees to do so. Slowly but surely he starts to drift back into his old ways even though he claims he's different since he stopped drinking. The truth is he's still as crazy as ever. The man is pure evil and at the end of the film you find out exactly why. The final scenes of the film are some the most powerful I have ever seen. Clint should have won best actor for his work because he was so convincing as this evil psychopath. Fortunately Hackman took home his second Oscar for this film. It's a truly amazing western that is only outdone by Leone.

Honorable Mention- Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, and Jurassic Park. Three of Spielberg's best films and two of them came out in the same year. Se7en, the most disturbing film I have ever seen. It keeps getting creepier every time I see it. Eyes Wide Shut, Kubrick's first film since 87 and his last film. A film about one man's ignorance in his relationship with his wife. Bullets Over Broadway, Woody Allen's best film of the 90s. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Who's my cream puff? I almost forgot these two films; Goodfellas and The Grifters. I think I would have to put these two behind the top 3.

2000s
1. Sideways- A beautiful and painful tale of a lost sole. Paul Giamatti was hosed when he didn't win best actor, but he was totally screwed when he wasn't even nominated. He gave one of the most beautiful performances of all time. He played the lovable loser so well. He was a rather pathetic guy but you felt so bad for him.

2. Memento- One of the most original films I have ever seen. How many films have you seen that go in reverse? Well the colored portions of the film go in reverse, but the black and white portions move forward, and in the "end" they meet. One of the most under-rated/under-appreciated films ever made.

3. Minority Report- I consider this Spielberg's second best film of all time. Not only does he prove that he can still do action, but he proves that he can do smart action. The plot of the film is so smart and the acting is superb. I have never been bored by this film.

Honorable Mention- Catch Me if You Can and The Aviator, DiCaprio's best two performances ever. I would have put The Aviator in the top 3 last year, but upon further review I believe the other 3 films are better. Batman Begins, the best Batman film ever. Capote, Philip Seymour Hoffman's best performance/one of the best performances ever. Match Point, Woody Allen is officially back to normal. Cinderella Man and Master and Commander, both of the films are amazing and both contain awesome Rusell Crowe performances. I almost forgot two more films. Spartan and Roger Dodger deserve mention because they both contain awesome performances and awesome writing.

Well, thus ends the longest post ever. I think it's the longest post ever. It certainly took me the longest of any post to complete. I hope that you enjoy it. Thanks for giving me something fun to think about.

What's my favorite online video?

2006-06-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

This question puts me in a quandry. There are so many online videos that I love. The Spongmonkeys, Gollum's Rap, Scarface (the short version), Metal Gear Solid: Crab Battle, GI Joe, etc. To choose just one is not an easy task. Per usual I've been chosen to do that and so I will. How does one go about figuring this out? Is there an ultimate correct answer? I think it all depends on your mood at the time.

As cool as Gollum's Rap, Scarface, and the Spongmonkeys are, I'm going to have to say Porkchop Sandwiches is my favorite video. The people that thought to make ridiculous stories out of GI Joe public service announcements are geniuses. Something as simple as over-dubbing GI Joe PSAs might not seem funny at first, but it's the dialogue along with the situations. That is why I deem Porkchop Sandwiches the number online video in my opinion. I would say that a close second is probably the short version of Scarface. I've seen the full version of the film a few times and the short version is vastly superior. If you've never seen Scarface just watch the short version. That pretty much sums up the entire film in 2 minutes.

Good question from Melissa. Keep them coming.

Here's to the man!

2006-06-01T20:30:00.000-05:00

Melissa already knows how I feel about Les Claypool's new album. I would like to take this opportunity to publicly announce that Mr. Claypool is back. Long I had feared that the bassist I once knew and loved had died. It seemed as if his music was going to turn into hate music. His lyrics with Primus had meaning, but they were very creative and the meanings were well hidden. If he had a beef with the world he put his message in the midst of what seemed like meaningless lyrics. Recently his lyrics have become less subtle in their underlying meanings. He was just flat out telling the world what he hates. Aside from that his music seemed to suffer as well. His bass parts did not seem as sharp or original as they once were.

With the arrival of "Of Whales and Woe," Les has announced that he's back. The lyrics have meanings (whether I like them or not it doesn't matter) and they are definitely not rubbed in your face. Instead Les lets his music do most of the talking. He has obviously found his niche as far as "singing" goes. Les likes to use the "Sandman" mic to do his singing these days. It's more like he's telling a story instead of singing. Obviously most songs are stories, but most singers actually sing. Compared to people like Adrian Belew, Jon Anderson, David Bowie, Peter Gabriel, Prince (jk), Paula Abdul (ditto), etc. Les is not much of a singer. However, he is unique and his voice definitely fits his music. I cannot imagine anyone else singing his lyrics.

I know that Les is one funky dude, but this album definitely makes that clear. I have never heard anyone groove as well as Les does. When people think of funk bass they think of Stanley Clarke or Bootsy Collins, the latter more than the former. Bootsy does have quite an amazing groove. Perhaps people will even think about Victor Wooten and others of that nature. Yet I think Les is the best funk bassist ever. No other bassist has that uncanny ability to groove as well as he does. The only bassist that comes close is Tony Levin. Tony can lay down a nice beefy groove. Yet there is something different about Les' groove. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's just different. His ability to do whatever he wishes with his right thumb may be the answer. I've never seen any bassist with that much control over their thumb. His control allows him to throw in all those crazy muted notes.

In case you could not tell, I'm happy. I've longed for the return of Les for a while. If only Primus would throw out an album now. I had lost all hope of that, but this new album gives me hope that they will return. Les is back on the right track and I couldn't be happier...unless Primus released a new album...and King Crimson...and Rush...not so much Yes. Yes' music has suffered since 83.

Lamest question thus far?

2006-06-01T18:42:00.000-05:00

"How many hours a week do you spend watching TV while not liking pop art?"

Yeah, I was never a fan of that question. What does TV have to do with liking pop art? Let me reiterate, I hate pop art! I'm done with it now. Just for being reminded of that question you're all gettin mulletted!!! Enjoy.

What book would I read that I haven't?

2006-06-01T18:39:00.000-05:00

Well, how about In Cold Blood. Yeah, I want to read that one. The reasoning should be very obvious.

What did I do for my community service in high school?

2006-06-01T18:31:00.000-05:00

I mainly whined about how retarded it is to have to do community service...involuntarily! I thought community service was about volunteering. How are you volunteering if you have to do it? I've never agreed with it and I never will. If you want to volunteer then that's up to you, that's the point!

However, I did all mine with the American Cancer Society. I just did miscellaneous things for them for my 25 or 35 hours. It was not 90 hours when I was in high school. If it were 90 hours I would have been hating life a lot.

I got it done and I was happy when it was over. Just one more reason to loathe high school.

Yet another question from the answer man.

2006-05-30T21:01:00.000-05:00

Why would any human use the above item when not sick? I see that done every single day along with the Noxema. I see it done probably 5 times a day and those times are all at night. You're only supposed to rub Vicks' on your chest/throatal region. Yet I see applied to each nostril, the area between the nose and lips, and the lips themselves, but not the chestal/throatal area. Why? Is it insanity? Is it a lack of reading directions? Whatever the reason, it's stupid. Help me again. I need to understand a certain someone's idiosyncrasies.

Can ya'll answer a pregunta for me?

2006-05-30T20:54:00.000-05:00

Why in the world would someone use Noxema as hand cream? I need to know why because it's driving me crazy. The stuff doesn't mositurize like regular lotion does, aside from that you have to wash it off. So why would anyone leave that crap on their hands without washing it off? I don't get it. Moreover, why would someone rub it on their face and not wash it off? I've seen it done and it boggled my mind. Help me figure this out people. I demand satisfaction.

WhAt Do I tHiNk Of PeOpLe WhO tYpE lIkE tHiS?

2006-05-30T20:48:00.000-05:00

I think they should spend eternity looking at the above image while getting a mullet themselves. There is no point in typing like a retarded child. It takes way too much time and it looks stupid. That's like something a cheerleader would do, not Megan (at least I hope not). That's the type of writing they would use in a note to their friend in class. "DiD yOu SeE KeViN tOdAy? He LoOkS sO hOt WiTh ThAt MuLlEt AnD pLaId ShIrT wItH aRgYlE tIe." I get annoyed doing that as a joke. People who talk like that should be put inside a safe and dropped inside a bigger safe from 40,000 feet.

That's what I think of tHoSe TyPeS.

What do I think of Celine Dion?

2006-05-30T20:41:00.000-05:00

She wishes that she would have been born in the US. I think Canada disowned her anyhow. I think that her songs are ridiculous. The song from Titanic is an absolute joke. You can tell that she is just full of her self. She loves Celine Dion more than her gay frenchie husband does. I almost said that I don't like her music, but that implies that she plays an instrument.

I would like to see her dropped out of a plane at 30,000 feet into a shopping cart. Her voice isn't that good, her lyrics are lame, and her face is ugly. Other than that she is a very talented/inspirational woman.

I like Celine Dion very much. She's a great asset to humanity. She gives hope to the hopeless. She can turn the world on with her smile. She's gonna make it after all.

Actually, I'd like to see her jammed in a safe and thrown in the ocean. That would be fun for all parties involved.

What do I think of the Choco-ladies with long fingernails?

2006-05-30T20:34:00.000-05:00

I try not to think of them. Whenever I see long fingernails I think one thing, retard. Melissa whines at me when my fingernails get like a centimeter long but the people you speak of have foot long fingernails. It's just absurd. Do they actually think that is attractive? If Melissa had fingernails that long I would cut them for her. I'd wait till she went to sleep and cut them. There is no reason anyone could possibly give me to convince me that they are hot/attractive/useful/sane.

If I wanted a Jai-Alai basket...I'd be one. I would not grow fingernails long enough to play a goofy sport with. If Melissa, Megan, Cheryl, or Melanie ever grow their fingernails that long I'm cutting them and then having an intervention. Scratch that, intervention first. No, I'd better just put you down to spare you the humiliation.

Additionally I would like to point out that people sometimes grow one long for a "coke shovel." The super long ones are more like "coke play ground slides." If the person had children the size of fleas they could slide down the fingernails for fun. No human has children like that therefore they are totally useless. No long fingernails.

Does I like Titanic?

2006-05-29T19:02:00.000-05:00

No.

Why can't Melissa and I agree on music? Also, what do I think of the black hair aisle in the stores?

2006-05-29T18:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, so we don't share the same opinion on music? I didn't know. I guess I'd better be nice about this or I'm going to be in the dog house. Let start by thanking Melanie for painting me in a corner here. However, I will get myself out of this without a spot of paint on me. Yeah, I'm an X-Man!

Here's the basic "problem." Melissa likes these types of music: indie, techno, R&B, some rap, alternative, some rock, classical, world, opera, and jazz. So you get a pretty mixed bag with Melissa. I am different on the other hand; I like progressive rock and jazz. There ya go, that's all I like.

So why don't we like any of the same stuff? For one she does not dig prog rock. If you don't like prog rock then you won't like prog bands. Additionally she likes all that other stuff and I can't stand it. Classical music is prett good actually because I like that Ludwig guy and that Mozart dude. Vivaldi is quite good as well. I do like Scott Joplin because he did some pretty cool ragtime music.

Back to the topic: I believe (don't know if this is true) that Melissa seeks music that has fun lyrics that are meaningful to her. She likes music that has a good beat and easy to dance to. She isn't really turned on by music that has complex time signatures and counter melodies and duets and synthesizers.

I am turned on by music that has ridiculous time signatures, counter melodies, duets (meaning two guitarists playing simaltaneous guitar parts with lots of synchopation), synthesizers (when used properly), ridiculous bass parts (Chris Squire, Geddy Lee, Claypool, Tony Levin, John Wetton, etc), awesome drumming (Neil Peart & Bill Bruford), and songs that are of epic proportions (18+ minutes long).

The music Melissa enjoys [usually] does not contain any of those elements. They do not contain that because she does not care about that. It's not important to her listening habits that a song contains those things. It's very important to me that they do contain those things. When I listen to music I want an experience. I want something that moves my mind in a way it's never been moved before. I cannot speak for Melissa in that endeavor, but that's what prog rock does for me. I like bands that push the limits of their abilities on each album. I like bands that try and change their sound every time out. King Crimson has got to be the ultimate example of that because each album sounds different. King Crimson and Rush are probably the best two bands at transcending eras, in prog. Yes was great in the 70s and early 80s, but everything after 83 sucks. Crimson released one of their strongest albums in 2003 and they've been around sinced 69. Rush released one of their best albums in 2002 and they've been around since 74.

There's just something about Melissa's music that doesn't sit well with me. I don't get the same fulfillment I get from listening to prog rock. I'm sure she would say the same thing about my music. It's a viscious cycle but it's just the nature of the beast. We will never agree on music and I've accepted that as a fact. The best we can do is try and tolerate each others' music and she's much better at that than I am.

Moving on to part two of this answer.

The black hair aisle in stores is amazing. I love going down that aisle. It's like visiting another dimension. White people have like 8 million items in their hair aisle, but black people have like 10 things. Mainly dew rags, gehri curl, pomade (dapper dan), activator, and hair nets. The facial expression of the models are priceless. They always have that look of "what are you lookin' foo?" To me it's the funniest aisle in any store. Good question.

What new-to-the-world product would I invent?

2006-05-28T17:59:00.000-05:00

Let's see. It's going to have something to do with stuff. How about a robot that tracks down people with mullets and offers them an ultimatum; a) You lose the mullet or b) you lose your life. How's that sound? I know where to start with the robot.

Of course the robot will have another function or two. One other function would be the elimination of slow golfers. They would patrol golf courses and kill slow golfers, people who don't fix ball marks, people who talk too loudly, and rednecks (actually those three things cover redneck behavior). It would speed play up by 300%.

Another function could be the elimination of thieves at EB Games. The thieves would walk into the store, the robot would identify, and then it would proceed to eradicate the source.

Getting back to the mullet-hunter feature. Simply take the robot to a Nascar race and let it go wild. That is the ultimate gathering ground for mullets.

So I would invent a mullet killing, unwanted golfer killing, thief killing robot. Then of course you could sick it on obnoxious Hollywood stars. After all that you will be able to order it to do menial chores around your house.

It sounds good to me. I hate all of the things I mentioned and I would like to see them go. That's just in my world though. Too bad the real world doesn't share my perspective.

What are my feelings on Juan Depp?

2006-05-28T11:50:00.000-05:00

I feel that Johnny Depp was a very under-rated actor for a very long time. His best role to date is Ed Wood. He gave a very heartfelt performance as a loser with a winning attitude. I feel that Depp should have earned an Oscar for his performance. For some reason people just didn't want to take him seriol for a long time. I don't understand why Pirates of the Caribbean changed the minds of the critics. He was quite awesome in POTC but he deserved recognition before that. Finding Neverland was another great performance which also increased his credibility. He should have gotten a supporting nomination for Once Upon a Time in Mexico. That movie was pretty lame aside from Depp. He makes that movie worth watching.

If you couldn't figure it out by now...I like Depp. He is a tremendously gifted actor who was shunned for many years. I would say that he's amongst the best actors in the biz. He's behind Philip Seymour Hoffman, DiCaprio, and Russell Crowe. However, Depp is not far behind those three. Hoffman is the best actor in the business right now, no competition. Hoffman is yet another actor who was overlooked for years until he was finally given his respect. You can say the same for Russell Crowe as well. Crowe was immaculate in L.A. Confidential and he wasn't even considered for any awards. I have to wonder what the voters are looking at when they pick nominees and winners.

So I'm cool with Depp and the others I mentioned. Those 4 actors are the best around bar none. Anyone who says Clooney or Denzel or Sean Penn is just retarded. Oh, or Jamie Foxx. Yeah, I want him to evaporate or spontaneously combust or something to that affect.

p.s. I forgot about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Dead Man. Those are two more awesome Depp performances. The picture I've provided is from Dead Man. That is a very strange revisionist western from the director of Broken Flowers (Jim Jarmusch). It's a very graphic western as well. Not for the little ones I can assure you.

Which movie was funnier; Da Vinci Code or X-Men: The Last Stand?

2006-05-27T14:10:00.000-05:00

Hmmm....that's a very tough question. But I think that X-Men wins this one. The Da Vinci Code was funny, but it was more arrogant than funny. It had this air about it as if the makers thought they were really "saying something." X-Men 3 was total hilarity through and through. Every line was cliche. Every situation in the film was cliche. The development of the relationships was cliche. The action was cliche. Etc. I could go on and on about it. The funniest part was Halle Berry by far though. Every syllable she uttered was comic genius. She took crap dialogue and made it something less than crap. I don't understand why people like her. Actually I do know why people like her; everyone thinks she's sexy. I hate her! Her line deliveries are the worst ever. It's as if a robot is doing her dialogue. She either puts zero emotion into her lines or too much emotion. Wolverine made some funny faces and some really funny noises.

Then there was the grave of Professor Xavier. That just speaks for itself. There weren't many scenes in the movie that didn't provoke laughter or nausea. If forced to see either movie again I would go see X-Men 3 again in a heart beat. I would rather see comedy than smugness.

As for the other question; yes, the movie would get another rating point if Storm weren't there. She totally drags down the entire movie with her lame dialogue. I know she didn't write it, but she's responsible for using it. HB needs to be taped to a rocket and shot into the Sun. That is the only we can be sure her pungent acting doesn't kill another movie.

Alright, I'm out.

Remember, we're X-Men! Hazah!

I just thought of a line that should seal the deal. How about when Professor X said that "Jean's powers must have sealed her in a telekinetic cocoon while she was in Alkalie Lake." A telekinetic cocoon? Hmmm...I think I was in a cocoon of gayness throughout the entire movie.

What was my favorite toy or board game growing up?

2006-05-27T14:07:00.000-05:00

I have been pondering this one for a couple of days and I thought the answer would be hard. However, the answer just popped into my head a few moments ago. This isn't hard at all. My favorite toy ever is my little John Deere tractor. That thing totally rocked. I rode that thing like crazy when I was a wee lad. Board games are nothing compared to the little JD tractor. I think it is out in our shed now. One day I hope that my son (if I have a son) will ride on it. It's a great source of exercise and fun. Who needs a tricycle when you've got that? Screw tricycles.

No competition on this one. JD tractor all the way.

Sorry the answer wasn't longer, but it wasn't a hard question. What was your favorite toy or board game?

For all you fans of classic films and such...or if you're just looking for something to Netflix

2006-05-25T20:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I guess I'm a pretty big Robert Mitchum fan. The man was a great actor, but under-rated. People only saw him as the tough guy in movies and nothing else. Honestly I don't think many people took his performances that seriously. There are two performances I'd like to mention to raise Mitchum awareness. They are Cape Fear and Night of the Hunter. I've spoke of both before in the past. Cape Fear, as you know, is one of my favorite movies ever. It is a great story about pay back and one man's inability to protect his family against evil forces. Peck plays the ultimate bad guy in this film because he is menacing, meticulous, and smart. He does everything he can to terrorize the protagonist within the confines of the law. There is nothing Gregory Peck's character can do about it. His character knows this especially because he's a lawyer. What's more terrifying than a psycho that will stop at nothing to get revenge? He's just the energizer bunny the entire film.

Then there is Night of the Hunter. The movie is your classic parable of good and evil. Yet again, Mitchum plays the unstoppable evil that will only rest when it achieves its goal. In this case Mitchum is looking for the fortune his step-children's father stole and hid before incarceration. Mitchum's character is combated by a "saintly" mother of orphans. She preaches the word of the Lord to her children and warns them of a "wolf in sheeps' clothing." Well Mitchum is that wolf and she has to confront him. She is good he is evil. Just to make the whole wolf in sheeps' clothing thing clear, Mitchum's character poses as a Reverend. He wooes people into trusting him and then he has his way with them. Just a despicable character in every way.

Only Mitchum could have played the two roles mentioned to such perfection. Robert De Niro played Mitchum's role in the remake of Cape Fear, but he was no where near as good. De Niro is a great actor, but he's no Mitchum. Mitchum had a much more ominous/foreboding look and feel to his portrayals. He was truly a master of his craft and deserves all the recognition in the world.

I just felt like paying tribute to an awesome actor.

Why hasn't a certain college grad watched Paths of Glory yet?

2006-05-25T19:49:00.000-05:00

Whoever thought of that question must be a genius or something. I've been waiting for that one to be answered.

All joking aside, I do want that certain someone to watch the movie with me. It would mean quite a bit to me. It's a great movie that had a great impact on the world. In fact, the film was banned in France until the 70s. If a film is banned in France, it must be good. This just ties into my earlier argument about controversy. Kubrick seemed to be the master of controversial movies. Paths of Glory was controversial in France because it accused the French military leadership of incompetance. Basically the film made the world see what jerk-faces the French military leaders are.

If you don't want to watch the film, just look at Kirk Douglas' chin cleft. Yeah, it's hypnotizing isn't it. Have you ever seen a hole that deep on a person's chin? I haven't. You may recognize Kirk because he portrayed Van Gogh in that film you watched. I assume he broke out his intensity in that performance. The man was ridiculously intense in front of the camera.

There's really no point to this post other than begging Melissa to watch the movie with me. Just do it as a favor. That means that I owe you some kind of favor...within reason. Just consider it.

What do I think of fat people wearing petite clothes?

2006-05-24T22:53:00.000-05:00

Um, it sucks. They have no business doing that to the rest of the world. There's a thing called shame and they do not possess it...like liberals. No human wants to see them "rolling" out of their shirts. They do make shirts in their size yet some of them refuse to accept their fate. Why they choose to do this is beyond me? I've never actually asked them why they do it, but I'd like to know. Perhaps they really do believe it looks good, but maybe they're disillusioned. I don't know. It's gross and I wish it would go away forever. It's like trying to stuff a gorilla into a pillow case; you're gonna have a bad time.

Until the cure is found just avert your eyes. Do that, or point and laugh with all your friends. Then laugh some more when they're gone and proceed to make harsh jokes about them. The same rule applies to the mentally impaired...just kidding. I am not seriol about that at all.

Name at least three chick flicks you like and why.

2006-05-24T22:42:00.000-05:00

1. Amelie- It's French and ironically it's good. I've already mentioned this movie in a previous post (the Top 5 foreign films post). It's a fabulous movie with a great cast, good story, good direction, and unique art direction. What's not to like about this movie?

2. Pride & Prejudice- This is a chick flick in every since of the word. Dancing, preening, tarts, British accents, annoying old women, etc. Yet somehow I was able to enjoy the film. I'm referring to the version with Keira Knightley. Everything about the movie screamed "gay chick flick," but it was made with such precision that any film enthusiast can enjoy it. I had a great time watching it with my girlfriend and I even bought her the DVD. I was willing to buy it for myself as well, but I haven't yet...no point.

3. The Wedding Crashers- Vince Vaughn. No other reason should be necessary. The man totally dominated the film. Every single scene he was in was ridiculously funny. Owen Wilson was also funny, but VV made the movie. I've never laughed harder at the movie theater.

That does it for my adventure into Gaydom.

Who are 5 actors that went bad?

2006-05-24T22:13:00.001-05:00

That's a question that I haven't given much thought because I don't like to think about actors that have gone bad. However, that is being required of me right now so I will do so.

Number one on the list is a tie....Kevin Spacey and George C. Scott. No actor has fallen from grace harder than Spacey. He went from a meteoric rise in the acting industry with amazing roles in The Usual Suspects, American Beauty, L.A. Confidential, and especially Swimming With Sharks (his ultimate role). After American Beauty he threw caution to the wind and took roles in K-Pax, Pay it Forward, and The Life of David Gale. All three movies were terrible. Now he's been reduced to a voice-over career for Honda. It just boggles my mind that Spacey has made so many crap choices. It's a shame.

1. George C. Scott- After refusing his Oscar for Patton in 1970, saying that "actors should not have to compete against one another," Scott just faded away. It was as if he was black balled. After that he wasn't really offered many good roles because of his refusal. This is one of the great tragedies in movie history. George C. Scott is only one of the greatest actors of all time. There is no reason that he should have been treated the way he was.

3. Marlon Brando- Brando kind of fell from grace the same way Scott did. Brando refused his Oscar in 72 for The Godfather because he did not like the way Native Americans were being portrayed in movies. He had a Native American woman announce that at the podium. He still gave great performances after that, but he did some real stinkers later in his career. He too is one of the greatest actors ever, but he just went a bit insane towards the end.

4. John Travolta is number 4 not because he was once a good actor, but he's fallen from grace like 47 times now. Yet people keep taking him back. Why? He's absolutely ghastly. I hope he stays dead this time.

5. Jim Carey- He started off funny with Ace Ventura then got serious with The Truman Show. The man had tons of potential but somewhere along the way he just floundered. Now he's doing movies like Fun With Dick and Jane. What is that?

Well I think that about does it for that list. Thankfully Gene Hackman is still going strong at his not so young age. I believe he's 74 or so. Yet he gave one of his best performances ever in 2001 in The Royal Tenenbaums. Hackman is at the age where he can do no wrong. He will always be remembered as a great actor, to me, the greatest.

p.s. Carey and [especially] Travolta are nowhere near the same league as the other 3 actors. Spacey is nowhere near as good as Scott or Brando. Brando is probably the best actor out of those 3, though Scott was awesome. You can decide that for yourself.

What time period (before the 1950s) would I live in?

2006-05-23T07:51:00.000-05:00

Never really thought about that one too much, but I guess I have to now. Well I think I would live in or around 1215 or so. And you'll get no reasoning for that at all. I'm done talking.

Okay, I'll explain. Genghis Khan ruled from 1206-1227 and he seemed like a cool guy. I think I would have made an excellent Mongorian. They always seem to be pissed off, yet they are having a good time being pissed. What's more fun than knocking down walls? Perhaps GK and I would ride into the future on a pack of wild horses.

Yeah, the time of the Mongorian Empire is definitely for me. I thought about how cool it would be to meet Abe Lincoln, but the Civil War would be raging. I want to meet President Lincoln, not Young Mr. Lincoln. The roaring 20s seemed like another plausible choice, but it was a bit gay. If I want to see the roaring 20s I'll just watch Zelig. The early to mid 1900s would be alright seeing as how new technologies were popping up. Everything is going to be second to meeting Genghis Khan. He rocked. What more do I need to say?

FYI: That is indeed John Wayne as Genghis Khan atop this post. Feast your eyes on that gay specimen. John Wayne was horrible and as a result of this disgrace Genghis Khan's ghost killed John Wayne.

Are there any bands out there that bash democrats?

2006-05-22T18:35:00.000-05:00

I've been wondering that for quite some time now. The only political lyrics I here in music have to do with hating republicans, mainly our Pres. I just realized why I don't hear many bands bashing democrats. Republicans have two qualities democrats will never possess, shame and pride. That is why you don't hear bands bashing the stupid left wing. Aside from that their music wouldn't sell because most of the people in the music industry are liberal. Why do politics have to play a role in music? Can't bands just make music about something original? I can see the benefits of bashing Bush, money!

These bands that are bashing Bush/republicans are doing it for the money. Hate music sells and the people that buy it are idiots. Though I will give the country music listening population credit for ousting the Dixie Chicks. I hate country, but those people do love their President. Unfortunately 60 Minutes is trying to revive the Dixie Chicks. I don't think that's going to work though. If only someone could destroy the whole hippie jam band scene. Where's Cartman when I need him?

I guess I'm stewing about this because Les Claypool's new CD is about to come out and it's going to suck lyrically. For example: there is a one song in which Les mentions the "elite right wing maze." What does that hippie know about politics? He's a bassist not a politician. This is the type of crap that makes me thankful that people like Stanley Clarke, Al Di Meola, and Eric Johnson exist because their albums are instrumental. They let their music do the talking. I guess I can't not mention King Crimson, Rush, and Yes when it comes to not being political. I understand KC and Rush, but I haven't the slightest clue what Yes' songs are about. Well I don't understand most of them because they probably wrote them when they were high. In that context they might not get them either.

I know that I bash Melissa's musical tastes all the time, but at least the lyrics in those songs aren't about hating Republicans...otherwise she wouldn't listen to them. I guess I just don't like the music and the singers' voices...or the lyrics really, but they're tolerable. It may not seem like I'm making an effort to be positive, but I really am. You know how fickle I am when it comes to listening to music that's not KC, Rush, Yes, etc.

I just realized that all the times you've called me a curmudgeon you've been right. That's the way I've always been though. I can't help what I am.

Well don't be too bored with this post. I've had several thoughts in my mind today and I just needed to express them. Sorry if you hate my thoughts.

How can something stupid be controversial?

2006-05-22T18:03:00.000-05:00

That is my question for the day. I've been trying to figure that out since last night. On the ride back from The Da Vinci Code Petty Officer Abresch mentioned that TDVC is causing quite the stir. I said "I don't understand why." Which I lied when I said that because I know why it's "controversial." Look, if your beliefs can be torn apart by a movie then you're a total retard. The people calling this crap movie controversial are the same persons that bought Fahrenheit 9/11. These people are known as "dupes." If they buy both those movies then I have something else to sell them (see above).

The only controversy this movie should stir up is that of bad movies. Why the heck are these crap movies being made? I guess the fact that they're going to pull in tons of money isn't hurting the decision making process. However, shouldn't film making be about producing the best possible product? You'd think that, yet Napoleon Dynamite exists along with Nacho Libre, The Island, The Rock, Pearl Harbor, Top Gun, etc. You get the point. It makes me sick to watch a classic then watch one of these modern day brain-dead atrocities.

It seems like there are fewer and fewer good movies every year now. The new film makers coming along aren't very good. There is one talent out there that is very promising, Bennett Miller (director/screen writer of Capote). Aside from Miller we have to depend on Spielberg which isn't a bad thing. Terry Gilliam is another reliable director because all he offers is originality. Oh yeah, Scorsese and Eastwood are still alive as well. What happens when they die though? Who will take their place? Well, you can't really replace them because they are such unique individuals. Eastwood may be the biggest screen icon ever.

Moving back to the topic; Brokeback was also controversial, but it really wasn't. Brokeback did have two gay men having sex, but that's been in movies before. Why weren't other movies controversial for that matter? Why is this one different? People choose to make certain movies controversial.

Another good example of people (the media) making a movie controversial is Million Dollar Baby. Apparently it wasn't a story about a trainer over coming his ego to train a woman and their subsequent relationship, but it was about Clint Eastwood's hatred for the disabled. I'll bet that is 100% true. Eastwood must really despise the disabled. Hopefully everyone realizes how ridiculous that sounds.

Some movies are controversial, but most "controversial" films are not controversial. I know that doesn't make sense so I'll provide some context. A Clockwork Orange was a controversial film. That movie inspired many murders in the fashion of the film in Europe. The number of incidents related to the film became so high that Kubrick pulled the film from Europe.

At the time of its release Psycho was a controversial film. No US films before it showed a naked woman in the shower, nor were they being stabbed on camera. In 1960 that was definitely a controversial thing.

The list could go on, but I'll stop there. All I'm trying to say is that there are different types of "controversy." There are those that are created (maybe to spread hype) and those that are legitimate.

Do not be fooled, The Da Vinci Code is not controversial. It's stupid.

Sorry to drag things out, but I just had to get that off my mind.

50 movies 50 states

2006-05-22T07:07:00.000-05:00

Alabama- Forrest Gump
Alaska- Insomnia
Arkansas- Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues
California- Short Cuts
Colorado- Dumb and Dumber
Connecticut- With Honors
Delaware- Redneck Zombies
Florida- Scarface
Georgia- Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
Hawaii- Hawaii
Idaho- Idaho
Illinois- The Untouchables
Indiana- Hoosiers
Iowa- Iowa
Kansas- The Wizard of Oz
Kentucky- Goldfinger
Louisiana- Undercover Blues
Maine- The Shawshank Redemption
Maryland- Patriot Games
Mass- Boondock Saints
Michigan- Grosse Pointe Blank
Mississippi- Mississippi Burning
Missouri- Waiting for Guffman
Montana- The Montana Kid
Nevada- Leaving Las Vegas
New Hampshire- Murder in New Hampshire
New Jersey- Happiness
New Mexico- Sons of New Mexico
New York- Manhattan
North Carolina- Bull Durham
North Dakota- Fargo
Ohio- The Oh in Ohio
Oklahoma- Oklahoma
Oregon- The Man from Oregon
Pennsylvania- Dawn of the Dead
Rhode Island- Me, Myself, and Irene
South Carolina- Bastard Out of Carolina
South Dakota- North by Northwest
Tennessee- Nashville
Texas- The Right Stuff
Utah- Utah
Vermont- Vermont is for Lovers
Virginia- Virginia
Washington- Stakeout
West Virginia- West Virginia Coleslaw
Wisconsin- Bingo
Wyoming- Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Washington, D.C.- Murder at 1600

There, it's done. I had to do some research, but I got it done. I didn't make any of these films up. I just did a lot of looking. Enjoy.

The D(uh)a Vinci Code

2006-05-21T22:22:00.000-05:00

No one asked me a question about this because no one was dumb enough to go see it...aside from me, Matt, and his girlfriend. I wasted $9 on this piece of crap movie and I feel like such a sucker. I just wanted to go to the movie theater because I hadn't been since The Matador came out. The Matador totally rocked and should be viewed by every living human. The Da Vinci Code on the other hand should be viewed by rocks, Cheea Pets, and Vin Diesel.

I have never read the book nor do I intend to. I tried reading one of Brown's books before (Digital Fortress) and nearly killed myself from boredom. Not only was it boring, but it was horribly written. Nothing like two page chapters. That's the key to developing a crap storyline.

Anyhow, having never read the book I figured everything out 5 minutes into the movie. I knew who the bad guy was, who the decendant of Jesus was, and where "The Holy Grail" was buried. So the next 145 minutes of my life sucked horribly. Nothing like a movie that provides you with an endless supply of stupid flashbacks. Sure they had to give you a backstory, but come on. I don't need to be raped with CGI flashbacks. The dialogue must have been written by John Q. Screenwriter. It was the most basic, boring, stupid dialogue imaginable. You can never get enough of those scenes where two main characters play ping-pong with the dialogue. Then there are like 12 different plot-lines going and all of them suck. Then we have Tom Hanks' long hair...not good. Amelie was in it, but what a waste of talent. Magneto was in it and he was totally retarded.

Now I want you to take a long hard look at the man atop this post. That's the man that just stole $9 from me. That's the man who made Cinderella Man and A Beautiful Mind. Both of those movies were incredible. Cinderella Man was absolutely amazing and one the most underrated movies out there. How does a man go from that to The Da Vinci Code? My guess would be money.

I'm not going to boycott Ron Howard or anything like that, but I am going to tell everyone to stay away from TDVC. Just keep away from it as if it were going to give you AIDS.

Additionally I saw the previews for Cars, Miami Vice, Casino Royale (the new Bond film), and Lady in the Water (or something to that effect). Casino Royale is the only one out of the four that interests me. The new guy playing Bond looks like a good choice. As for the rest of the three; Miami Vice looks like one of the worst movies ever made. Cars looks like one of the gayest animated movies ever made. Lady in the Water is the latest piece of crap from M. Night Shamalonnadingdang. Unfortunately Lady in the Water stars Paul Giamatti whom I worship. Hopefully he'll come out of that crap unscathed.

Ladies and gentlemen, the future of movies is looking bad. Clint Eastwood's two new movies can't get here fast enough. Spielberg needs to churn out something. Stanley Kubrick and Sergio Leone need to come back from the dead. David Lynch's new movie also needs to come out ASAP. If Casino Royale is our best hope this year, we're in trouble.

Just stay strong these sad times in the land of film.

It's a battle of two classic titans! Mother Theresa vs. Einstein Who will win?

2006-05-21T22:11:00.000-05:00

We stand on the threshold of total anarchy! You have tasked one man to choose once and for all who is better, Einstein or Momma Theresa. This is the greatest match up of famous people ever.

Well, not really. How could you possibly say Einstein is a better person than Mammy T? All Momma Terry ever did was devote her life to helping those in need. Einstein developed some pretty awesome theories (which are theories and not truth) and a few equations here and there. Aside from that he was known for his wacky hair and sticking his tongue out.

If you were asking about the better personality, it's Einstein hands down. However, I didn't know either of these people so how can I judge? Who cares?

Mother Theresa was a better person and I'm sure Einstein would have said so himself. Does that make him a better person though? He wasn't self-centered. He was quite the lady's man as well. One word to describe him, smooth. Just imagine some black soul singer from the 70s saying "smooth" to describe him. Now that's smooth.

Einstein was a lovable fellow, but a better person he was not.

E = not as a good a person as Mother Theresa

Which came first the chicken or the egg or the road or the crossing?

2006-05-20T20:39:00.000-05:00

The chicken and the egg emerged simultaneously while Colonel Sanders was crossing the road to beat his slaves.

The road couldn't have come first because people didn't have horses and carts to ride on way back when. Therefore they did not need a clear cut path to reach destinations...because they didn't know where the hell they were going anyway.

I'm going to take a bold step and say the egg did not come first. You need something around to produce the egg in order for that particular animal to come out of the egg. Now I know what you're gonna' say, "you need the egg to produce the chicken." Well you need the chicken to produce the egg. Obviously a circle of insanity could insue if I kept that up. Wanna know why the egg didn't come first? Because I said so.

That leaves the chicken and the crossing. What is a crossing? I won't look up the definition in the dictionary because I'm comfy and don't want to get up. I'll just say that is the intersection of two points or entities. What is a chicken? A very delicious animal enjoyed by many humans world wide. Not only that, we eat their unborn chicks for breakfast. Think about that next time you're eatin' it sunny side up.

Okay, the liklihood of the chicken existing before two points or entities intersected is pretty slim. So the crossing definitely came first out of this group.

I myself (how egotistical is that?) think I did a pretty good job by myself without outside sources. I. I. I.

I hate it when people say "I myself." They already cleared up the fact that it was "I" when they said "I." They didn't have to throw in "myself." What other self do you have? I my-Einstein-self. It's just annoying.

Right. I'm done now. Go about your business.

Congratulations to my favorite two grads this year!

2006-05-19T21:22:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone.

I know you're not used to me posting without answers, but this is prudent.

I just wanted to say congratulations to Melissa and Melanie on their dual-graduation this year. It's not often that siblings graduate in the same year, but here we are. I am very proud of both of you and I know that great things await both of you. Melissa is going to have a great career at Target. Melanie is going to have a great career at Wal-Mart. A few years from now these two sisters will meet on NBC to do battle. They will lock (figurative) antlers in an attempt to prove which retail chain will rule supreme. I guess I shouldn't leave Megan out of the fray. What do they have in Mexico? We'll just call it El Cheapo Storo. So all three sisters will duel it out in the retail world. Would that be interesting? No, it would be silly.

Anyhow. I wish both Melissa and Melanie good luck as they go out to take on the world. I wish Megan good luck as well with all her endeavors. I'm not leaving you out Megan, but you aren't graduating, but it doesn't hurt to show that I do care. After all, we did watch 8 1/2 together and you did like it (I think).

Blah blah blah. All I do is jibber jabber.

I'm going to shut my big fat mouth now.

Congratulations M&M!

I love you both...obviously Melissa more than Melanie, but you understand that. The love is still there Melanie...just a different kind of love.

What's the meaning of life?

2006-05-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

Oh boy, you're asking the wrong person. If you're looking for some sort of deep spiritual answer you'd better ask someone else. I'm definitely not that guy. However, I will give you my version of the meaning of life.

It seems like I've answered this question before. I don't know. It just feels so familiar to me for some reason.

Now, look at the picture I have provided. Okay. Now wipe the vomit off of your face. Alright, everything is going to be okay. Here is the meaning of life.

In this world there are those of us who live in sin constantly. These people are known as "mulleteers." They do walk amongst us and I have seen them. Well I actually work with one of them. Her name is Donna. I repeat, her name is Donna. The most tragic thing in this world is women and small children with mullets. They look like demons.

It is our duty as no-mullet-people to eradicate this planet of mulleteers. That is the meaning of life. The extermination of the mullet. Until we take out the southern United States this epidemic will continue to terrorize the planet.

We were put on this planet for one reason; the destruction of the mullet. Ever since the days of the caveman we've been fighting this disease. We must act now before the world is consumed by mulleteers.

Okay. So I don't know the meaning of life, but I do hate mullets. Usually the people underneath them are loud, annoying, and amazingly stupid.

As for the actual meaning of life, I think it's different for everyone. There can't just be one meaning to life. There are way too many different beliefs out there for everyone to share one ultimate meaning. I have no idea what my life means. I'm not living to serve anyone or find some sort of absolution. All I want out of life is a girl to love. Fortunately I've already found that girl and I love her more than words can describe. I don't need anything else in my life. Nothing else can make me 1/10000000th as happy as she has made me. I've never met a kinder more caring person in my life. I don't know that that is a meaning, but it's important.

Now I will add one more thing. I would love to become a scratch golfer at some point. I feel that my game is about to explode. I know that I have the potential to be a very good golfer, but it's just a matter of practicing. I guess my ultimate dream (as far as golf is concerned) is becoming good enough to play on a tour. Not necessarily the PGA Tour, but maybe the Nationwide or some other mini-tour. I love golf very much. It is the one sport that I accel at.

I know that this wasn't much of an answer, but I'm no genius. Ya know, I just don't want to give you generic answer. Hopefully it's been entertaining if nothing else.

What's the most cliche film without knowing it?

2006-05-19T08:09:00.000-05:00

Brokeback Mountain.

Think about it. You've heard me say it before, but I'll say it again; It's just a love story with fags instead of straight people. Yet the makers of the movie didn't really see it that way. I truly believe that they didn't think any part of the movie was cliche, but it sure was.

You've got the whole "forbidden love" thing going. Okay that's Romeo and Juliet. They keep giving each other those cliche glances of "I really like this person." They do the whole cat and mouse skirting the issue thing. They have the affair which neither knows how to react to initially. They fall deeply in love but cannot continue the love due to engagements or other things. They meet each other secretly for years to continue the relationship without their spouses knowing. The fact that they can't be together is tearing them apart. They would like to leave the life they have, but that would ruin other peoples' lives. When it seemed like they might get together one of them dies. Donnie Darko plays the jilted lover which you can find in Woody Allen's movies. On and on and on.

How the movie got such high praise is beyond me. It's not daring and it's not original. It's simply a love story...with fags.

If you don't agree with me on this one, give me an answer. What do you think is the most cliche film...without knowing it? I do want to hear some answers on this one. It's a very good question.

What do you think of the ever growing chain of Wal-Marts?

2006-05-18T15:07:00.000-05:00

Another interesting question thrown my way.

Well that's a double edged sword isn't it. Wal-Mart createst plenty of job opportunities when it comes along. Not only do people get jobs in WM, but they generally bring a strip center with them too now. The strip center usually consists of like 10 stores or so and that's even more jobs.

However, Wal-Mart also takes away a lot of jobs as well. The "mom and pop" stores that were there before WM are put out of business quite often. People may say that they will continue to shop at "Betty's Discount Bonanza," but they'll eventually go to WM because of the low prices. This is where WM has the greatest advantage over everyone. They can afford to offer the lowest prices because they have the most money. The other stores can't afford to go that low and that is why they eventually go out of business. WM didn't become the biggest company in the world out of stupidity. They know that people love to save money and they'll definitely ditch the old ways for cheaper ways.

Stores like Target haven't really tried to compete with the super low prices, but they offer something else. Target offers a better shopping experience than WM. Whereas Wal-Marts are hideously dirty and crowded; Targets are clean and moderately crowded. Target employees seem to be more friendly as well. Personally I am a Target shopper for those reasons. Additionally I like to get my groceries and such at Giant.

That's another thing Wal-Mart has done; they implemented grocery stores into the super centers, and they drive real grocery stores out of business. Why would you get your food at WM? Go to a real grocery store. You know the type, a store that specializes in selling food products.

I guess I should actually answer the question now. I didn't want to give you an answer without some reasoning. It's easy to say "I hate Wal-Mart because they suck!" That's not a good reason at all.

My opinion is as follows: There is no way for anyone to stop WM from expanding their empire. The only way that would happen is if Congress steps in and declares a monopoly. Seeing as how Target, and others, are still operating with success they can't really declare a monopoly. Commercialism is about competition and choice. As long as other stores are around you have the choice to go there instead of WM. While WM may have a monopoly on low prices, that doesn't mean they've monopolized retail. While I do not celebrate when they open a new store, it's their money and they can do as they please. If Genghis Khan were a retail chain he'd be WM, but I don't have to buy from Genghis. I'll just go across the street to Target because it's much nicer.

In summation, Wal-Mart is going to keep growing and that's fine. That also means Target and others will keep growing. So if you don't like WM just don't go there. It's as simple as that.

p.s. I did not mean any disrespect to Genghis Khan. I like GK. He's my all-time favorite conquerer. The only disrespect I've ever seen towards GK was the movie about him...starring John Wayne. Talk about a complete joke. John Wayne should have been shot in the forehead with a howitzer for that one.

Nobody asked this question, but I'm going to pose it myself. What's the strangest film ever?

2006-05-17T21:10:00.000-05:00

Contrary to what my dad says The Sheltering Sky (no relation to the immaculate instrumental by King Crimson) is not the strangest film ever. I've seen bits and pieces of that one and it's no where near as strange as what I'm about to unveil. The Sheltering Sky was directed by Bertolucci (Last Tango in Paris) therefore it's an erotic film. Bertolucci is famous for making highly erotic films. The fact that a film is erotic does not make it strange. The fact that they use a different lighting technique or lens filter or whatever does not make it strange. Granted, John Malkovich is in the movie so that does give it a big push toward strange.

My friend and I just watched the strangest most inexplicable film ever made. I ordered the movie about a week ago and it arrived today. The movie in question is Eraserhead. David Lynch's first feature film is just ridiculous in its oddity. Blue Velvet was a strange movie. Wild at Heart was a strange movie. Dune was strange. Twin Peaks was strange. Lost Highway was strange. Mulholland Dr. was the strangest out of the ones just mentioned. Yet they all seem as understandable as Barney when viewed after Eraserhead.

I liked the film very much because of its uniqueness. It's definitely a film made by a gifted individual. He sees things much differently than you or I do. I thought I had some sort of idea what I was in for, but I really didn't. There is no way to prepare yourself for the strangeness of Eraserhead. I've been trying to find explanations of the film, but nobody has been able to break it down. There are some people who claim to have "the answers," but they all say there are too many answers to name right here. Why is that? A review is the perfect forum to give those answers. So either they know something or they're liars. My guess would be they are liars who think they aren't liars. Whatever the case, they didn't give answers. The only prevailing thought is the feeling that the film cannot be broken down. I believe that to be true as well.

However, I have often said that maybe what's there is what's there. Perhaps there is not supposed to be any rhyme or reason to all the obscurity in the film. Is there any rhyme or reason to life? The movie is basically presented as one long nightmare sequence. I would say "dream sequence" but when you think of dreams you don't think of freaky imagery.

I know it doesn't seem like I'm describing much here, but I really don't know how to describe the movie accurately. This is definitely not a movie for everyone. Actually it's a movie that most people will hate. I'm not just saying that to sound "high and mighty," but how many people do you know that like David Lynch films? How many people would like the very tiny old people in Mulholland Dr.? Now the tiny old people were very strange, but Eraserhead is about 8 billion times stranger than that.

Forget what I said about 8 1/2 being the strangest film I've ever seen. Eraserhead is by far the strangest film ever. There is no competition in this category.

Okay. I'm done blathering.

Why does Shakespeare put people to sleep?

2006-05-17T20:53:00.000-05:00

Why would I know the answer to that question? I mean you want to know why he puts you to sleep as well as others. You should know why he puts you to sleep. However I will offer you some sort of solution to your query.

The fact that his plays are in ye olde English does not help matters. There's nothing worse than reading something you do not understand. You can figure out what the characters are saying for the most part, but some of it just goes over your head. Whenever the central character gives a soliloquy or aside it seems as if he's beating a dead horse. I mean the central character always has a scene in which he drones on and on about what's bothering him. After a while that just gets old. Maybe the fact that you can't relate to the characters is a complete turn off. I've found that I have more than a little bit of trouble relating to MacBeth or Hamlet.

Shakespeare's work is several centuries old and that also brings up the "who cares factor." Why should we have to read a 400+ year old play? How is it relevant to today's world? The answer is...it's not. Shakespeare is not relevant at all to what's going on today.

Aside from all that, reading a play by yourself really isn't that much fun. Reading a play aloud in a class setting is alright. Different people read different roles and you get a more rewarding experience. There are some plays that alright to read by yourself, but most need to be read with a group.

Bottom line: Shakespeare was definitely a great writer, that's not the question. However, Shakespeare is one of the most boring writers of all time. I mean he's not as boring as Emily Bronte or the dude that wrote A Seperate Peace, but he's still boring.

There is some good news though...other than the fact that I saved a bunch money on my car insurance by stealing Esteban's car. If you need some help getting to sleep you can just crack open Romeo and Juliet.

Kitties or puppies?

2006-05-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

Wow! That's a tough question. Both kitties and puppies are amazingly cute. One day my wife and I will have both, but for now I guess I have a hypothetical choice. Puppies. I love kittens to death, but puppies are better.

Kittens have their cute little meow and are somewhat playful, but puppies are super playful. They do super cute things that might be considered stupid later. When a puppy chews on something it's cute, but when they get older it's bad. They have cute little barks and cute little paws. Plus they're just so darn happy to see you when you come home. Cats really don't care if you come home or not. A cat just needs food, drink, and litter box and it's set. Dogs on the other hand depend on you. They couldn't live without a master. In that respect they will be loyal to you.

I would definitely take both, but if it came to a choice it would be puppy.

Lo siento to all you gato fans out there.

What's the most artistic thing I've done?

2006-05-17T16:34:00.000-05:00

Good question. Obviously it's the pictures of our assistant manager at work. Those drawings are classics. I drew two for Jon and he took them home.

I guess it would be the poems I wrote in my poetry class at Wor-Wic. That's about as artistic as I've ever gotten. I never did anything in art class in high school that was of any value. So yeah, I'll go with the poetry thing. I wrote a few that were meaningful to me and that's it. After taking that class I kind of lost the touch I guess you would say.

Over all I just don't feel that creative any more. There are plenty of thoughts crawling around up there, but they just won't jump onto the page/screen/whatever. I guess my main problem is confusion when it comes to organizing thoughts. Perhaps I just try too hard. I guess that's my main problem with most everything. I'm an ultra-competitive person and that probably henders me in most aspects of life. I know it hurts me when it comes to golf. I want to do so well so badly that I just lose my mind when anything goes wrong. It's not that I don't know how to behave or anything like that; it's that I know what I should but I just can't do it. Whenever adversity hits in golf I can't help going crazy. I curse myself when I should be letting it go. Nobody is perfect and I certainly don't possess a good enough game to get that mad at myself. It's like I said though, I'm competitive. Maybe one day I will learn to control my demons. People (my dad and others) tell that I need to calm down and not be so hard on myself, but that's much easier said than done. You can't just do an "abbra cadabbra" and make it all better. It takes work and I'm trying my best to work at it.

Phew. It's good to vent your frustrations even if people can't relate to them.

Well I've got another question to answer before I go eat so I need to get crackin'.

Why did I go to senior prom? What sitcom can I handle?

2006-05-16T11:33:00.000-05:00

I am still working on the answer to your 50 states question so be patient. That is not an easy question. However, I can answer the two new questions you have given me.

I went to senior prom as a favor to our friend as you know. He asked me if I would go with a female friend of his as a favor to him. I was informed that she wanted to go and didn't have a date. So Mr. Robins asked me to go with her and I agreed. It took some mulling over, but I decided to do the right thing. In case it hasn't been made clear enough yet, I had no intention of going. I don't like to dance and I hate social gatherings. I know it's hard to believe, but I am anti-social. Once you get over the initial shock you'll realize that it's true. Blah blah blah. I went as a favor and I don't regret it.

The only sitcom I could ever tolerate was Seinfeld. I hate all the other sitcoms with a passion. Unfortunately you know my current stance on Seinfeld, but I can probably still tolerate it without my father around. All the other sitcoms can burn.

I'm going to try and answer your 50 states question ASAP.

Done.

In lieu of new circumstances here is my revised top 5 Foreign films

2006-05-10T17:46:00.000-05:00

As I told Melissa I decided to buy a foreign film the other day. An Italian film from legendary director Federico Fellini. The film is 8 1/2. I can say with great confidence that it is one of the strangest movies ever made. I've only seen two stranger movies, Brazil and Naked Lunch. Naked Lunch is by far the strangest movie I've ever seen. While I have no idea what 8 1/2 is all about, I love it. It's one of the best movies ever made. You have to have patience to watch it because it's a tad long and very unorthodox.

Here is my new top 5.

1. 8 1/2
2. Last Tango in Paris
3. The Killer
4. Das Boot
5. Amelie

I know I said I liked all 7 of the previous foreign films I watched, but let me clear something up. Life is Beautiful was excellent for the first half of the film. However, the second half of the film was total crap. There are no redeeming qualities to the second half of that film. I didn't enjoy the entire film, only the first half. If and when you see the film just watch the first half and quit. You'll know when the second half of the film rolls around.

What are your 5 favorite (non-english) foreign films?

2006-05-05T16:38:00.000-05:00

You're lucky that I've seen 5 foreign films. I think I've seen like 7 or so. Personally I don't care about foreign films. People always talk about how much more artsy they are than North American films. I'm sorry, but aren't Kubrick, Gilliam, Cronenberg, and especially David Lynch artsy? David Lynch is probably the most artistic director to emerge in the past half century. His movies make absolutely no sense, but the dude is quite the artist. I forgot to mention Woody Allen. Spielberg is artistic to an extent. However, my director ever is from Italy...so not all foreign directors suck. Actually I do want to watch some Akira Kurosawa films because he was supposed to be an amazing director. The same goes for Bergman and Fileni. I plan on watching some of their movies in the very near future.

I will give you my top 5 favorite foreign films with my limited knowledge of foreign films.

1. Last Tango in Paris- Super duper erotic drama from Bernardo Bertolucci starring Marlon Brando in the finest performance of his illustrious career. This is definitely not one you want to watch with the kids.

2. The Killer- Director John Woo's ultimate action film. It stars Chow Yun-Fat who plays a hitman with a heart. He is chased by a cop who seems to walk the fine line between good and bad. They are both good at killing yet they are on opposite ends of the spectrum only by profession. Eventually their cat and mouse chases lead to an unexpected friendship. While that may sound like the makings of Brokeback Mountain with guns, it's not. They respect one another from the get go and learn that they really aren't any different at all. If you're looking for the most hard core action movie ever...you needn't look any further.

3. Das Boot- From vaunted German director Wolfgang Peterson; this is the ultimate submarine movie. While The Hunt for Red October certainly rocks, it's nothing compared to Das Boot. However, you do have to have a lot of patience to watch it because it's 4 and a half hours long. Though it's about a German U-Boat crew in WWII you do grow to care for the men. You spend 4 and a half hours watching a film with the same faces...you start to like them. It's really an incredible experience.

4. Amelie- Audrey Tautou is probably the cutest actress around. How can you deny her infinite cuteness in the lead role? You can't. I never thought I'd like a French film, but Amelie is definitely worth liking. The story is original, the direction is great, the acting is superb, and some of the visual effects are pretty nifty given it's a love story.

5. Hard Boiled- Remember The Killer? Well this is John Woo's second best film and it stars Chow Yun-Fat. Noticing a trend here? Well it's a lot like The Killer except that Chow Yun-Fat is on the good side of the law this time. He plays a total badass cop who shoots like 8000 bullets out of every clip from his gun(s). Needless to say the body count is high but it's done in style. Many people will tell you this is better than The Killer, but they're retarded. The Killer is a much better story with a better cast surrounding Chow Yun-Fat. However, Hard Boiled is still awesome enough to jump into the top 5.

I must give an honorable mention to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Chow Yun-Fat stars again! but no John Woo) and Life is Beautiful. While both movies are great, they just aren't as good as the 5 listed. CT,HD is better than LIB in pretty much every way. Roberto Benigni does give the performance of a life time in the first half of the film; the second half of the film is ridiculous. I remember one of my friends in high school told me that should have won Best Picture in 98 over Saving Private Ryan. I would like to know what he was smoking. SPR is solid from beginning to end. Life is Beautiful stops being good as soon as they are taken to the concentration camp. After that it's like "What the hell happened? This movie was great. Now it totally sucks!" It's the strangest thing I've ever seen in a movie. How can the first half be so good and the second half suck so much? However, SPR didn't even win Best Picture because that was the year the Academy declared total insanity. They were insane before but 98 sealed their fate forever. That was the year that I decided Best Picture will never be given to the actual Best Picture in a given year ever again. As you may recall SPR lost to Shakespeare in Love. There have been some pretty huge travesties in the history of the Academy (Jamie Foxx winning best actor over DiCaprio, Hackman not winning at least 7 Oscars, Fonda not winning at least 20 Oscars, Leone not winning any Oscars, Scorsese not winning any Oscars, etc) but that was the biggest disgrace of all. I don't care what anyone says about Shakespeare in Love; it's a romantic comedy of zero significance whereas SPR is a movie dedicated to the memory of those brave souls who fought so valiantly in our greatest war. A movie that practically redefined the entire war movie genre. So we have generic romantic comedy vs. genre defining war movie like no other. Tough choice. I hate the Oscars with all my heart. The only thing they've done right lately is awarding Philip Seymour Hoffman his much deserved Oscar for Best Actor.

So yeah, foreign films man. They're like not in American. They just don't fly round here. Except for those 5 that I mentioned. They fly quite well.

What are my 35 favorite film scores?

2006-05-04T07:57:00.000-05:00

You might think this would be an easy question for me, but it's very difficult. You know how much I love movies and you know how much I love movie scores. It's been a relatively common fact that John Williams is the greatest film composer of all time. Bernard Herrmann is definitely a prominent name in the composing business. He did pretty much all of Hitchcock's films and most of those scores are classics. Up until recently I believed that John Williams was the absolute best ever, but I think I found someone just as good as JW. Ennio Morricone is one of the few challengers to John Williams' thrown. His scores are always full of emotion that drives the film to new levels that the script, directing, and acting cannot push it to. Another composer I love is Elmer Bernstein. He did the score to The Grifters and The Great Escape. The latter is definitely a classic film score, but I feel his work on The Grifters is very underrated. Well I think I've given you a rough idea of some of the composers that will inhabit this list. Now, on to the list making.

1. Once Upon a Time in the West- It took me a long time to acknowledge the fact that there is a score better than Jaws, but this is the only score better than Jaws. The emotion that Morricone conveys is so beautiful. Westerns aren't supposed to have an operatic score, but this one does and it makes the movie so much better. You already know that I think it's the best film ever made, but without the score it wouldn't be the best film ever. This score is number one because it moves me every time I hear it. As great as the score is it's still underrated. The movie itself is underrated because of the stigma towards westerns. That doesn't matter though; I love it and it's special to me. That's all that matters.

2. Jaws- My favorite score for a very long time. John Williams' score definitely makes the movie what it is...an adventure. When you think of Jaws you think of a man-eating shark. However, when you watch the movie you feel like you're in an adventure. Plus the score helped save Spielberg because that pounding score signified the presence of Jaws in the scene. The mechanical shark did not work so well and they needed a way to make the shark appear without actually being there. John Williams came to the rescue with his most amazing score. I feel like watching Jaws now.

3. Superman- One of my favorite movies when I was growing up. My fondest memory of Superman is the score. Yet another brilliant score from JW. The score just has this air of triumph that makes it work with the film. It's very powerful and very loud. Superman is a very powerful character and his actions are very loud because everybody notices them. JW couldn't have tailored that score any better than he did. It's pretty much perfect.

4. Pee-Wee's Big Adventure- Danny Elfman is one of the most underrated composers...no, he's the most underrated composer in film history. The man should have won an Oscar by now. Hell, Morricone has never even won an Oscar. What does that tell you? The Oscars suck. Back to the task at hand. This might seem like an odd score to throw onto a Top 35 (or however many) list, but I love it. Elfman's score totally makes the movie. Without Elfman's score this is just a very strange movie that might actually suck. This is not the case though. Elfman's score is very playful and childish just like Pee-Wee Herman. At times the score is kind of psychotic in order to convey Pee-Wee's mental state in that particular scene. I mean he did lose his bike and that would drive anybody crazy. Primus plays the score before their shows (as you know) so it's gotta be pretty darn good to garner that kind of attention.

5. Taxi Driver- I feel that this is Bernard Herrmann's ultimate film score. Many people will argue that Psycho or Vertigo are his best work, but I would have to argue that Taxi Driver is his best. It's a jazz driven score that consists mainly of a saxophone. The sax helps to convey that feeling of loneliness. Robert De Niro's character (Travis Bickle) is a very lonely dude. No matter how hard he looks for companionship he cannot find it, though he sort of drives people away with his actions. He's perpetually lonely and Herrmann's score conveys that perfectly.

6. Psycho- What's a list without this score? I love the score to Psycho. Bernard Herrmann made a perfect score for that film. It definitely drove home that feeling of insanity. Who can forget the shower scene? That scene is a classic and it's all because of the music. Well that and the fact that Janet Leigh is nude and being stabbed and that didn't happen in films back then.

7. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly- Once again Morriconne is the master of western film scores. The score to this film definitely conveyed the theme of adventure and treasure hunting. It also conveyed a feeling of morning for a loss of young men that did not need to die. The movie takes place during the Civil War and the three main characters are constantly caught up in the war...without being a part of it. The movie is not about the Civil War, but about a race for a treasure between three men. However, they do get caught up in the war at times and the music reflects the main characters' feelings about the war. Clint Eastwood's character feels the war is a total waste and that every boy killed is a tragedy. This funny considering he kills people left and right though. But it's those kinds of contradictions that make Leone's westerns the best, that and Morricone's scores. Once you hear the score for the first time you never forget it.

8. The Godfather I & II- Nino Rota and Carmine Coppola did the score for the first two Godfather films. Both scores are classics and they both help make the movies larger than life. The Godfather I & II are two of the finest films ever made, but they wouldn't be half as good without amazing scores. The Godfather III does not exist.

9. Close Encounters of the Third Kind- JW returns to the list with yet another awesome score. I really don't know how to word what I want to say about this score. It's very unique amongst JW's other scores. The scores flourishes in certain scenes of high tension. The score really shines when the alien ships arrive though. Once you see the scene at the end of the movie with the alien ships you'll never forget the score. It's a tremendous score that should have won Best Original score, but Williams actually beat himself with Star Wars. I guess no harm no foul on his part, but I think Close Encounters' score has more to offer than Star Wars does.

10. A Clockwork Orange- Hate the movie all you want it doesn't change the fact that it's significant. The score to ACO is perfect. Walter Carlos was the composer of the film and it's the only film score he has ever composed. Right from the first note of the score in the opening credits you know you're in for something different. It has a very forboding feel to it and you know that what you're about to see can't be very soothing. The movie unleashes a vicious assault upon the viewer's senses and morals. Carlos unleashes an aural assault upon the viewer with a "futuristic" score with instruments that were new at the time. He used a Moog and other devices to make the score. It's a very significant score in that it introduced synthesizers to film scores. It's a very playful/cutting edge score...when viewed in the context of the early 70s. Now it may seem kind of lame to first time viewers, but we're spoiled by superior technology.

For numbers 11-35 I shall just list in lieu of saving of lots and lots of time.

11. For a Few Dollars More
12. The Right Stuff
13. Saving Private Ryan
14. The Grifters
15. Chinatown
16. L.A. Confidential
17. Beetlejuice
18. Jurasic Park
19. Schindler's List
20. The Usual Suspects
21. Cool Hand Luke
22. Hoosiers
23. The Thing
24. Halloween
25. Brazil
26. Batman
27. The Sting
28. The French Connection
29. The Untouchables
30. Catch Me if You Can
31. Minority Report
32. Sideways
33. The Aviator
34. Vertigo
35. Cape Fear

There, I'm done. That was not a fast process I can assure you. Good question though. It feels good to think about things you like.

End.

Who's my favorite American Idol?

2006-05-04T07:52:00.000-05:00

I assume you mean out of the contestants this year. I'm going to have to say that Kat is my favorite. She has a very pretty voice and it's very strong. Out of everyone I can tolerate her voice the most. I hate all the other contestants. Chris Dogtree is generic whiny voiced singer number 1003. Taylor looks like Timmy when he sings and he does indeed sound like a lounge singer. Elliot is too much of a goob to be the winner. The one I hated the most was "Chicken Little." Thankfully 'mairca saw fit to vote his non-singing keester off like 2 months ago. I still can't believe that little punk made it as far as he did.

That's about all I have to say on that.

What would a day without a mexican be like?

2006-05-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

Hmm...that's a good one. Well the chicken plants would suffer quite a bit. All the fields being harvested/planted would not be done as quickly. There wouldn't be as many lowriders. The air would be a tad less greasy. There would be one less ethnicity to make fun of for a day. Some Major League Baseball teams would be missing a few players. Have you seen Equilibrium? Of course you have; it would be a lot like that. My aunt would be lonely for a day because all her friends would be missing for no reason. Megan would be lonely for a day because her novio would be missing. I guess it would be pretty much like any other day for me though. I don't really talk to any mexicans or deal with any throughout the day.

Now if you would have chosen a different ethnicity I would have had a better answer. I think you know what I'm talking about. I'll go ahead and answer that anyway. If there was a day without unspecified ethnicity it would be like paradise. Just ask my boss. If that actually happened I might cry. Those would be tears of joy though. Okay, that's enough racism for now.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

2006-05-03T16:54:00.000-05:00

That's easy, none. If he could chuck wood he would realize how lame that is and do something else. For instance: maybe he would organize a strike against a nation that he is not an inhabitant of legally. He would demand amnesty because he was not born in this country but he chucks wood here. That alone should entitle him to all the rights of those people born in this country. You shouldn't have to be born in one particular country to have their rights. NATO should get together and make a universal Bill of Rights/Constitution. Wait a minute, I said NATO didn't I. I forgot that they don't actually do anything. If a woodchuck could chuck wood it should chuck enough wood to bury NATO in a giant wooden coffin. NATO sucks and everyone knows that's a fact. What the hell has NATO ever done in the way of helping the world? The Elks Club has done more for the world than NATO. There's an idea; replace NATO with a giant Elks Club or Moose Lodge or something to that effect. Every Friday the representatives from around the world will bowl and have a buffet.

You see, woodchucks are amazing animals. They would get rid of NATO for us.

Great question. If only you'd asked about emus. You had the answer to the secret of the universe at your finger tips, but you chose to ask about a woodchuck instead. Oh well, just realize I'll never tell you now.

What if my son wanted to hunt, wrestle, and do ballet?

2006-05-01T07:07:00.000-05:00

I'd tell him to ask his mother.

What are the Top 25 Albums of all time (in my opinion)?

2006-04-30T21:04:00.000-05:00

Well that is definitely a question that I will be more than happy to answer. You know how much I love music, but more specifically you know how much I love prog-rock. This list may seem a bit biased, but you want my opinion. To be perfectly honest I feel that the albums I have chosen are the top 25 albums of all time. I'm not going to toot my own horn any more. Here we go! (I'm not going to explain why because I just tried to do that for number one and that took about 20 minutes...for 7 (big) paragraphs. Those paragraphs covered the musicians, the group, their history, the album's significance, and the first two songs.)

1. Disicpline (King Crimson)
2. Close to the Edge (Yes)
3. Hemispheres (Rush)
4. Moving Pictures (Rush)
5. Larks' Tongues in Aspic (KC)
6. Fragile (Yes)
7. Brain Salad Surgery (Emerson, Lake, and Palmer)
8. Signals (Rush)
9. Roll the Bones (Rush)
10. Beat (KC)
11. The Yes Album (duh!)
12. Presto (Rush)
13. Drama (Yes)
14. Synchronicity (The Police)
15. The Power to Believe (KC)
16. Sailing the Seas of Cheese (Primus)
17. Tales From the Punchbowl (Primus)
18. Pork Soda (Primus)
19. Tales From Topographic Oceans (Yes)
20. Relayer (Yes)
21. Red (KC)
22. Thrak (KC)
23. Grace Under Pressure (Rush)
24. Permanent Waves (Rush)
25. Vapor Trails (Rush)

There you have it. My top 25 albums of all time! It may seem retarded to everyone but me, but that's okay. These albums are all special to me and there are many more that I love that aren't on this list. It was tough to decide what to put on the list, but I think I did a good job. Go ahead and look at the list, absorb it, and tell me how much you hate it. Then again, you probably could have guessed what the list might look like. Oh well, I guess I'm just predictable in that manner.

I leave you with the immortal words of Adrian Belew:

I LIKE IT!

Top 50 Guitarists of All Time

2006-04-30T20:36:00.000-05:00

Well that's an interesting task to give me, but I don't think that I can give you 50. I'll give you 21 great guitarists. I tried my hardest to come up with my top 50 but I came to a realization...I don't like 50 guitarists. I really don't. There aren't 50 guitarists that "do it for me." There are only 21 that I can think of that I like. I tried to use some of those crap Top 100 lists to guide me, but they didn't have most of the guitarists on my list. I am not going to bow down to their list and just pick 29 other guitarists to fill my list. That would be false of me and I don't want to do that. So, I am going to give you the top 21 guitarists of all time.

1. Robert Fripp
2. Alex Lifeson
3. Steve Howe
4. Al Di Meola
5. Eric Johnson
6. Django Reinhardt
7. Manuel Barrueco
8. Joe Satriani
9. John Petrucci
10. Allan Holdsworth
11. Chuck Berry
12. Adrian Belew
13. Larry LaLonde
14. Andy Summers
15. Stevie Ray Vaughn
16. Jesse Gress
17. Joe Pass
18. Peter Banks
19. Mark Knopfler
20. Snakefinger (limited knowledge of Snakefinger, but what I've heard is awesome)
21. Esteban

There ya go. I'm sorry that I don't like 50 guitarists, but I don't. I'm not going to throw Jimi Hendrix and Jimmy Page on my list because convention says I should. They are over rated guitarists just like most everyone on the "Top" 100 lists. Those lists are total BS for one very good reason (aside from Jimi Hendrix being number one); Kurt Cobain is number 12! He sucked.

While I appreciate the task you gave me, you also knew how pissed I'd be doing it. You know how much I hate those other lists. Errr. Okay. I'm done.

What are 3 current examples of why I hate people? What's one current example to not hate people (a.k.a. "like people")?

2006-04-26T19:28:00.000-05:00

3 current examples of why I hate people:

1. I already told you about this one, but here it is again. A stupid red neck who had just smoked every cigarette in the galaxy came into work two minutes before close with a trade in. The trade in came out to $8.40 in cash. Store credit would have been more but he wanted cash. Actually his lady friend came in and attempted to trade the games first. I told her that she needed a license to trade in her games for cash and she said "God! I thought so." So she walked to her beater and her "better half" came in. He produced the ID and I was in the midst of typing in his info when I noticed his ID had expired 6 days previous. So I told him that I couldn't give him the cash because his ID was not valid. Well he got all pissy and asked if I could make an exception and I said no. He then asked if it made any difference that he's on file in our computer. First of all, no one is on file in our store. Our computers don't have enough memory to keep anything on file. Yet for some reason people like to assume that we keep everything on file. That's just insane. Anyhow, the guy kept whining and I kept saying "no." So he got no cash, took his games, and said "You guys are unbelievable. Man, first you screw us with the trade in price and then you don't take our ID." Awwww, poor baby. I felt so bad for that dirty stinking red neck. I hate red necks. They have no business playing video games in the first place. They only play racing games or hunting/paintball games.

2. Thieves. Up until recently they frequented our store. It seemed like every other day they came in with DVD trades for cash...the same DVDs! Not only that, they kept stealing the same controllers for XBOX 360 and tried to trade them in. 4 out of 5 of the employees at our store turn them away. The other person needs to get their poop together. It's just disgusting that people think they can go and steal something, trade it in for cash, get away with it, and not have to work. Meanwhile, I'm working to earn my money and these turds come in with stolen goods and get a free pay day. All they have to do is steal the merchandise. These people are the scum of the Earth and need to be destroyed. I don't hate many things more than thieves.

3. Yet another customer at work. I was standing at the counter observing the shoppers when this man and his son walked up to the counter. They were looking at a contest display and there is a picture of a girl with no mouth on it. They looked at it and laughed and then the father said, "(Ha-ha) Now that's a perfect woman there...don't you think?" My reaction was "Um....okay." What the hell is wrong with people? Why would you say something like that first of all? Then why would you ask someone you don't know if that's a good idea? I'm not an activist by any stretch of the imagination, but sexism like that is just stupid. That's like something that would have been said in the 50s with a straight face. That's just something that needs to go away.

One reason to like people:

1. Recently (like the past month) I was not feeling well. I went home early from work one day because I was not feeling well and I told my boss the following day. Somehow one of my fellow employees got word of this and told me to not worry about working the next day. He told me to just stay home and take it easy. He had no reason to do that for me, but he did. He is a good person and it's people like him that gives humanity hope. I appreciated the gesture and told him that I owed him one. So there's one reason to like people.

p.s. My girlfriend was just humming that gay soccer chant that people won't stop chanting and it's driving me crazy. Soccer is a gay sport and that chant just epitimizes the gayness of soccer. There is yet another reason to hate people.

Why Hackman is great in 100 words or less....are you kidding me?!

2006-04-25T08:03:00.000-05:00

He can convey the entire spectrum of human emotions. He makes other actors around him better. He demands your attention. He is not driven to be a star. He gives everything to every role he plays. He just does it for me. To me he is everything an actor should be. He does his job, he doesn't stick his nose in the spotlight, and he always gives a human element to his characters. Most of all, Gene Hackman is a very unique actor. I don't know of any other actors like Hackman. He's the best actor ever. 99. 100.

Which do I prefer? Hippies or Michael Moore?

2006-04-25T07:54:00.000-05:00

You might think that this is a tough question, but it is not. Hippies. I prefer them to Michael Moore any day of the week. Hippies lack the motivation to really do anything about their "problems" whereas Michael Moore goes out and makes a smear campaign film. It's not that I think MM is a good film maker; I fear his films because they are such radical pieces of crap that people actually believe them. Let me rephrase that; liberals believe every single word that comes out of his 8000 lb. communist mouth. Hippies on the other hand are like the child that everyone laughs at because their so stupid. Whenever they speak it's a great opportunity for comedy. They're not going to say anything intelligent and there will be no pre-thought in what they say.

MM on the other hand thinks of ways that he can manipulate peoples' minds. He does it through "slick" editing in his films. He distorts the truth like crazy and nobody seems to care. If a conservative were to try and distort the truth regarding a liberal they'd be torn to pieces.

So yeah, hippies. I hate them too, but they aren't a threat.

Moot point...but I still have to answer it.

2006-04-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

Sorry that I didn't respond to this one in due time Cheryl, but I'm still going to answer it.

Why was play suspended at the Masters on Saturday (not Friday) and what were the lasting implications of such a move?

Play was suspended due to crappy stormy weather. Why would they do that? I guess golfers kind of frown upon golfing with 14 lightning rods in their bag.

What were the implications? They did eventually tee it up on Saturday, but not everyone finished their round. In that case they had to finish up Sunday morning and play 18 more Sunday afternoon. Phil Mickelson had to play 31 holes on Sunday which was the most of anyone, but he still rocked everyone. Had play been suspended for the entirety of Saturday they would have played the 3rd round on Sunday and the final round on Monday. That is generally what happens in such situations.

Fortunately they were able to finish on Sunday and it was much better for everyone. Monday finishes are sucky because you may miss it if you have to work. Additionally it's just not as exciting as a Sunday finish. I don't know why that is, but it just isn't.

Hopefully my answer is sufficient unlike my timing on this one. Sorry but I was under the weather as you know.

Would I go on a Carribean, Mediterranean, or Alaskan cruise?

2006-04-13T17:09:00.000-05:00

Alaskan. For a few reasons. One: I have read and have heard that Alaska is just beautiful. Two: The Carribean and Mediterranean sound fun but you never know when you're going to be forsaken by Mother Nature with a lovely hurricane. Five: Melissa hates the cold (not that I love it...I'm starting to dislike it myself) and it would be fun to take her to Alaska! Six: We could shoot the lovely carribou while we were up there. Seven: We could also take over the oil reserves and steal some barrels to sell back in the main-land. It would also be cool to see the Aurora Blahblahalice.

I don't know. It seems like any cruise would be fun, but I've heard they actually suck. So I would probably say no to any cruise but why not go to Alaska if forced at gun point. It would be the only reason I would ever go to Alaska. Go there early in your life before you really hate cold weather and then live in warm weather the rest of your life.

There's my answer.

Moby Dick

2006-04-07T07:54:00.000-05:00

True Melissa, but Moby Dick is hated by everyone. And I said I wanted to be a whale and that whale is Moby Dick. He just symbolizes God. Everyone may not hate God, but everyone certainly hates Moby Dick.

That mammal question again.

2006-04-06T17:34:00.000-05:00

The task at hand is to assume that the mammal I chose to be was actually in a book I was studying in a college course. I am to discuss the underlying meaning in a five minute essay.

Here we go.

Suppose the question is "why would you chose to be a whale in the context of the book?" I would chose to be a whale because in my reading of Moby Dick I have found one truly awesome thing; Moby Dick is God. He is the representation of God. Though he may not actually be God he is viewed as God by Captain Ahab. Ahab in essence is trying to kill God for what He did to him. What did He do to him? Well He gave Ahab a white scar on his face and He bit off his leg so that he had to use a peg leg to walk for the rest of his life. It may seem somewhat warped to chose to be Moby Dick seeing as how Ahab is trying to kill him along with everyone else. It would be very unfortunate to be the target of many a man but does that really matter if you are God? The fact is Moby Dick is invincible. He cannot be killed by mortal man as he proves by killing Ahab. Ahab fights valiantly for his life, but he cannot defeat God. So it would be rather comforting to know that no one could kill you, but I guess you would be kind of lonely because everyone WANTS to kill you. You would have no friends because everyone would be envious of your power. Even though Moby Dick is essentially God he is still viewed as evil by pretty much everyone. While being Moby Dick has major advantages it also has some disadvantages.

Here's where it works out for me though. I don't care about making new friends or being liked. I could easily adapt to being hated by everyone. Besides, if they have a problem with you they can't do anything about it. They could try and stop you, but you know you would prevail.

It's been more than five minutes so I'm putting my pencil down and turning my paper over.

If I could make a video game what would the premise be?

2006-04-06T17:11:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't answered your questions in a timely manner Cheryl. I'm just not in the habbit of going over old posts, but I will from now on. I know you had two questions so I'll do this one, the short one, first.

That's a very good question and I do have an answer. If I could make my own game it would definitely be a western. It would be completely open ended. Gun was a good western game but it was only 8 hours long and that is horrible as far as length goes. The actual quest in my game would have to be at least 40 hours long. There would be no fun if it were really short. In playing video games you want to be immersed into the gaming world. However the game would be much longer than that because there would be a never ending string of side-quests, jobs, chores, etc. The options would be as close to limitless as they possibly could be. I don't believe that a great western game has really been made. No one has captured the true spirit of the western. They always use the wrong movies or TV shows to influence them.

For example: Gun was influenced by a couple Sam Peckinpah westerns, maybe a John Wayne western, an Eastwood western (Unforgiven), and the TV show Deadwood. Deadwood is atrocious. It's a show where the most used word is the "F-bomb." They did not draw any influences from Sergio Leone westerns. What's with that? Leone would be my primary influence because he is probably my favorite director ever in addition to the best western director ever. He knew what the west was supposedly like. The cowboys in his films are all shown in the same light; they are ALL scoundrels. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly was meant to be an ironic title. Clint Eastwood's "Blondie" was titled "good" but he was far from good. He was just as evil as Tuco (Eli Wallach) and Angel Eyes (Lee Van Cleef), but he had a little more character. He was more sympathetic to the "innocent" people of the west and of the Civil War. However, when it came down to it he would kill someone just as quickly as his competition.

Sorry about that, sidetrack. It would seem like I would draw the most influence from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, but I would take most of my influence from Once Upon a Time in the West...Leone's greatest film as well as the greatest film of all time.

Now what would my game actually entail? There would be prospecting, mining, bounty hunting, hunting, land rushes, boomtowns, casinos, whores (sorry, but that was part of the west), the Civil War, wagon trains, buffalo, Native Americans, north and south armies, etc. It would be a "western sand box" so to speak. I know that Grand Theft Auto sort of invented the whole "sand box" thing but if it were applied to westerns it would be amazing. Now obviously my game would have violence, gore, and language. No sex or anything stupid like that. Sex does not belong in video games. I know I said there would be whores, but that does not mean there has to be sex. People who want sex in video games need to get a freakin' life. The use of foul language would be limited though. I don't see the point of having rapent cussing in video games. It does nothing for the gameplay or the experience. However, people do cuss and I'm sure cowboys cussed like crazy. There would be no F-bombs in my game though. That is one word that should not be allowed in video games. This all sounds like a receipe for disaster because those are all "qualities" that morons look for in games. I'd be happy to disappoint though.

Well there you have it. A western that is pretty much endless. That's what needs to happen in the gaming world.

Okay. I'm done going on about my dream.

What's you favorite dog?

2006-04-05T15:51:00.000-05:00

I figured that would be an obvious answer. Weiner dog! I love those little dudes. They are freakin' hilarious. Though the mini-schnauzer (I know I just butchered that name) gives it a run for its money. However the weiner dog is definitely my favorite. If I was to ever get a dog of my own it would be a weiner dog. They seem like they are rather low maintenance and they don't have that "dog" smell.

Sorry I don't have more food for though on that one, but it was a simple question.

How many hours a week do I watch TV while not liking pop art?

2006-04-03T19:33:00.000-05:00

I have no idea how many hours I spend watching TV every week. I usually only watch movies when I watch TV unless it is South Park. So let's say the avg. length for each movie I watch is 2 hours. I probably watch like 7 movies a week plus an episode of South Park or so. I'll say I probably watch 18 hours of TV per week. Why do you ask anyway? Does it matter?

Why don't I like po(o)p art? That's a pretty simple one there. It's not art! Take Warhol's stupid Campbell Soup Can thing. That's not art. It's Campbell's Soup Cans! How is that artistic? Then his painting of Marilyn Monroe; WOW! he painted her four times with different color schemes in each square. Pop art has nothing to offer at least that's the way I feel. Somebody takes something from every day life and puts it in an "artistic" point of view. To me that's not art, it's stupid. Pollock is art, Escher is art, Dahli is art, Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, blah blah blah...you get the point. How anyone can look at Campbell's Soup Cans and call it art is beyond me. I guess this is the point where the reader "in the know" will sigh and roll their eyes at me because they know art much better than me because they took a class. Remember one thing before you berate my opinion of pop art or any form of art for that matter; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I'm done complaining about why I don't like pop art.

What is the statement that mullets are trying to make and reach to others?

2006-04-01T22:45:00.000-05:00

We're all waiting for something and I was definitely waiting for the best question ever. I think it may have just surfaced. This is undoubtedly the best question I've been asked yet.

What are mullets trying to say and communicate to others? Well first of all lets start with the statement. It's saying "World, ah don't give a damn what chu thank. All right. Ah luv mah gun rack an ah luv killin' deer. All right. If'n ah wont ta wair mah hair thisaway, den ah'm gone do it. If you don't love me fur what ah am den you need ta git out." The mullet just wants to be accepted for what it is...the redneck right of passage. It's like a King passing down the crown to his heir. Except the mullet is the crown of a kingdom, but more like the crown of the trailer park. So the mullet is the crown of the lower class common man.

I guess I did cover the communication part in that paragraph as well. I wasn't really thinking about it though. I just thought of myself as the mullet. You've got to get into character. Now the statement and communication may differ when used in regards to a woman. When I see a mullet on a woman the first thing I think is "lesbian." I'm not trying to offend or stereotype, but that's just what I think. How many heterosexual women have mullets? And how many of the mulletine women have good teeth? Not many. If you want to debate me on this subject then I do have first hand experience with a mulletine woman. Perhaps the felmale mullet is giving the same message as the male mullet on ocassion, but that is rare. We all know what it's saying. It's saying "My name is Brenda and this is my friend Sam."

Are there any redeeming qualities to the mullet? Nope. Not unless you count making fun of it. It's just a hair "style" that needs to be hunted to extinction. Do your duty as a good human, kill a mullet. Break out the Con-Air clippers and kill a mullet. Who knows, you may save a life.

What kind of mammal would I be?

2006-03-31T17:54:00.000-05:00

That's a strange question given the fact that I am a mammal. However I guess you want to know what other mammal I would be. Um...I'll go with a whale. Sure. There you have it. I would be a whale. A killer whale. I really don't have much to say about this question. It's a strange question and I don't really have a good answer for it other than killer whale.

Which major company would I work for and what would I do?

2006-03-29T12:22:00.000-05:00

I'm anti-major companies. All they do is make money and provide thousands upon thousands of jobs and help the country. You gotta hate libs.

This is an easy question actually. I would work for Nintendo in a heartbeat. What would I do though? That is the tough question. I think that I would want to be in charge of the production of Metroid and/or Zelda. Obviously this would never happen, but this is hypothetical. Definitely head of production on Metroid games. Zelda would be the back-up plan in case some jerk face takes the Metroid job from me.

I honestly think I could work on a Metroid game given the fact that I love Metroid so much. When you play a gaming franchise long enough you get to pondering the possibilities of the franchise's future. I often think about where I would like future Metroids to go. I personally wish that Samus would encounter Mother Brain again. That is the ultimate dream for me really...as far as gaming goes. Fighting Mother Brain in 3-D would kick some major butt.

So yeah, I would work for Nintendo and be in charge of production on Metroid games. Not that the guys in charge of Metroid have dropped the ball. Metroid and Zelda are the two strongest gaming franchises of all time. As far as review scores go Metroid may be the highest rated franchise ever. It's prett close with Zelda though.

Okay, I'm done babbling about Nintendo.

Good topic though. You made me think about something I love very much and that has made my day even better.

A brief message from the answer dude

2006-03-28T23:23:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to take a moment to thank both of you for your wonderful idea. I have loved every moment of answering your questions. This has given me a chance to stretch my writing muscles every day and that's a very good thing. I like to write and it's good to have things to write about. Some of my opinions may seem insane to you, but they are mine and that's what you're asking for. At least you care enough to read my responses and post new questions.

I thought it would be nice to let you two know what a good motivator this is for me. Thank you very much.

What's with all the smoke on the Rush DVD?

2006-03-28T23:15:00.000-05:00

Rush have a good number of pyro effects that they use throughout their shows. So I guess it could be a result of the pyro effects. Plus they have fog machines on both sides of the stage blowing smoke out. They got into the whole dry ice thing early in their careers and it has stuck. Another reason it may be steamy is due to the fact that they are in Rio...in summer. I'm sure it's somewhat steamy down there in the summer.

If you weren't interested in the origins of the smoke, but rather the "why do they choose to have smoke" question, then here's why: They like it. They are very into the theatrics of performing on stage. They have always had a complex show theatrically. They use projectors, they have videos running to match songs, they have lasers, and smoke. It's a pretty cool show to go to for the theatrics. It's a great show to go to for music. I really didn't get into Rush until I saw them live. They blew my mind when I saw them and I've loved them ever since. It's just one of those cases where you don't fully respect something until you see it in person.

Done.

Do I miss school?

2006-03-28T23:08:00.000-05:00

There are times when I do indeed miss going to class. I hate business classes, math classes, art classes (sorry), commie liberal poli sci classes, science classes, etc. However, I do miss english classes. I loved reading books and poems and discussing them. It felt good to hear fresh perspectives on things. I love all the talk about the "underlying themes" or the "deeper meanings" in books and poems. I've always been a big enthusiast of "what if the author really didn't mean anything deeper?" Who says that there has to be an underlying meaning to all the great novels? What are the "great" novels? Who determines that?

English and like writing classes are the only things I miss about school. I don't care about hanging out with fellow students or making friends or any crap like that. That's not why you go to school.

I guess working in retail makes you yearn for other things. You get tired of the rednecks and gangstas. There are times where I just want to yell at customers that are beyond stupid.

Okay. I guess I do miss school a little bit. There be your answer.

What clothing line would I model if I were given $500,000 to do so?

2006-03-28T21:15:00.000-05:00

Well. Let's see. I would have to say that after the initial period of thinking that I'd become gay forever, I would probably choose the Men's Warehouse. I mean come on, I'm gonna like the way I look...he guarentees it.

Honestly I would probably do Armani or something that involves modeling suits. I could pull off a suit and that's about it. Unless I was going to model pajamas or something. So yeah, something with suits.

Thanks for such a unique question. Look how much I wrote about it.

Only kidding. But fashion is not my cup of tea.

What, in my opinion, is 'mairca's numero uno problema?

2006-03-27T23:15:00.000-05:00

Well that's a good question because I really don't give a hoot about politics. It's a topic that just gets me too angry. Whenever I listen to the news and hear those whiny liberals talking it just makes me sick. So I guess the number one problem in this country is the whiny hippie liberabls that only care about themselves. They act is if they care about "the people" but they really only care about gaining total control of our lives. They're a step below socialist on the political spectrum. All you ever hear from them is "the Republicans this and the Republicans that." It's never about what's good for everyone. They only care about smiting the Republicans and that is why they fail.

It's like the whole abortion issue. For some reason they say it's okay to murder your unborn child. There are some instances when abortions are called for. You can't say that all abortions should be illegal because there are always some really good exceptions. However, I do not understand how they can condone murder. I was listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day and he said the following: "The Libs are contstantly contradicting theirselves. Abortion is a morality issue but they have turned it into a political issue." He is absolutely correct. Abortion should not be a political issue. When life and death is involved it is a morality issue. That's just one of the ways that Liberals are insane.

They want to give everybody everything instead of having people work to get what they deserve. The main example here is people on wellfare. These people get paid money to produce children and sit on their butts while other people get to work to pay for their children. How is that right? Hmm? How is wellfare a good idea? It's not. You can thank FDR for that one. I know that I do not have the hardest job in the world, but at least I have a freakin' job. How hard is it to get work? There are literally thousands upon thousands of jobs out there. But your common Lib will say that it's not their fault, it's society.

The problems isn't just your Libs in the political world, but it's all of them in TV land as well. CNN is a disgrace to...well, everything. All they ever try to do is tell the world how bad Republicans are and how it's their fault that there is evil in the world. The world would be much better off without CNN, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, CNBC, and CBS. All 6 of those networks always try and put FOX News down by saying that they are biased to Republicans. Well that out rank Fox 6-to-1 in the bias race. Fox does lean towards the conservative side of things but they give a fair look to both sides like you are supposed to do.

I'm going to stop going on before I get too angry.

I think you understand that I think dirty stinkin' liberals are the worst problem in this country. They're every where and they all want to try and turn everyone they encounter into minions. Just think of Invasion of the Body Snatchers when you think of liberals; "They're here already! You're next! You're next!" Even though that movie was about communism. But hey, libs are almost communists.

What would I do in the event of a nuclear war?

2006-03-27T22:52:00.000-05:00

That is a very intriguing question. Can't say that I have ever thought about that because I guess I hope I don't have to make that kind of decision. But if that sort of thing ever does happen I guess it's good to think about it.

Well I guess I would say goodbye to my family and friends. I'd probably listen to my iPod while it was going on. If you can't do anything about it I guess you might as well accept it. Well, that is if you can't find a nice 1000 ft. deep bomb shelter. Obviously I would try and find shelter of some sort somewhere. The most important thing to me would be staying with Melissa. If we're doomed I want to be doomed with my girlfriend. Maybe we could play Monopoly or Battleship while everything was going down. Have a movie marathon and watch disaster movies. Dr. Strangelove would definitely have to be watched. Obviously these are like comedic ways to deal with a horrifying situation, but wouldn't it just be cool to handle it like that?

But I'm seriously, obviously I would try and find some way to survive. I'd definitely do everything possible to make it out of it. Perhaps I could invest in a school desk and curl up into a ball under it. Little do you know that curling into a ball under a school desk is the key to survival. Honestly, what the hell were people thinking when they suggested that? "Get under your desk. There's a force field that will protect you from everything." That's like holding your hands up when you're choking on something. It does absolutely nothing, but you look like a king size moron.

I guess I didn't really give the greatest of answers here, but it's a difficult question. Like I said, this isn't something I like to think about. When I think of the future I think of settling down with that certain someone *wink*.

Anyhoo. I'm done.

Where would I go outside of the US?

2006-03-27T09:34:00.000-05:00

Nowhere. Ah luv 'mairca.

I guess if I were going to go anywhere outside of the US it would be Spain. I have always liked the way Spain looks. They have some very cool historical artifacts there. The towns and cities have a very classic look to them. I would especially like to visit Toledo. We once watched a video in 11th or 12th grade Spanish class about Spain. Toledo seemed like a very unique city to me. The buildings are all very close to each other and the streets are very narrow. Plus they are famous for making swords in Toledo and I would like to see that process first hand. The only swords I have ever seen have been those gay ones in like D&D stores in malls from time to time. Those are obviously fake swords made for D&D geeks. I would like to see what a real sword looks like.

Additionally, Barcelona and Madrid seem like pretty cool cities as well. I guess Spain just looks very appealing to me. So that is where I would go if I left the US to travel.

My second choice would be Sweden because Peter Forsberg is from Sweden. Austrailia might be a pretty cool place to go to as well. Perhaps New Zealand because that is a very beautiful country as well. Easter Island would be a fun place to visit just to see the giant statues that are just there and no one knows why. Perhaps it would be cool to see the pyramids and the sphinx, but I can't seem myself spending a prolonged period of time in Egypt. Maybe 1 day tops. It just doesn't seem like a nice place to me, but hopefully I'm wrong about that.

So there ya go.

My favorite 3 pre-teen movies

2006-03-26T22:23:00.000-05:00

Yet another fascinating question. Here we go: Superman, Batman, and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Why did I enjoy all three of these? Well that's a good question posed by me. I will answer me.

Superman. What kid did not want to be Superman? Every kid wants the ability to fly or be invincible. Superman could do anything he wanted. When I was young I really believed that he could fly. You do not see the strings when you are a child. It was pure unadulterated fun and it still is. I love Superman. It was very special to me in the pre-teen years and it is still very special to me. The direction was solid, the acting was awesome, the story was great, and the film score is one of the best ones ever. John Williams is the greatest film composer ever along with Ennio Morriconne.

Batman. What kid didn't want to be Batman? He had awesome weapons and utilities plus the batmobile and bat wing were the coolest vehicles ever. Then there is the Joker. How awesome was Jack Nicholson as the Joker? Of all the roles he has been nominated for he deserved a nomination for the Joker more than most of his other performances. He was funny and lethal which is very cool. Just the whole feel of the movie was very cool for a young kid. I loved every single minute of that movie. Yet another movie where the film score was perfect. Danny Elfman is a great film composer and a very underrated one at that.

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. What kid didn't want to be Pee-Wee? Well all of them actually, but he did have a good show for a while there. Come on, he had a frickin' talking chair. However the movie was infinitely better than his show. I love that movie very much. It always reminds me of the good times of childhood. Pee-Wee's love for his bike is something most any kid can relate to. At some point in most kids lives their bike is their favorite possession. Pee-Wee just reminds you of the simple joys of life. Sometimes the most simple things in life give us the most pleasure. Of all the crap Pee-Wee had his bike was most important to him. The thing that made the movie so memorable was the score. Danny Elfman's very first feature film score was his best. It is simply amazing how he turned that movie into a classic with his score. Music certainly is a powerful thing and I guess that has also stuck with me.

That was a very nice stroll down memory lane. Thanks for such a unique/fun question.